A terrible joke again

Ian Paisley goes into a coma. After twenty years he regains consciousness. The first person he sets eyes on is Peter Robinson.

Paisley, desperate to find out how the situation in the north turned out grabs hold of Robinson and says "Peter, what have I missed over the last 20 years? Did we win, did we lose? You've gotta tell me"

Robinson replies "Well Ian, I've got some good news and some bad news. Do you want the good or the bad first?"

Paisley thinks about it for a minute and say "Gimme the bad news first"

Robinson: "Well the bad news is that Gerry Adams is the new president of the United Ireland"

Paisley is shocked but enquires further "So what's the good news then?"

Robinson: "Rangers are beating Celtic in the cup final" Paisley is delighted by this and asks "What score is it?"

Robinson: "3-14 to 1-11"

A joke for the passing of Ian Paisley

Ian Paisley has given notice that he is standing down as first minister of Northern Ireland. It's been odd to see the man who threw snowballs at Taoiseach Sean Lemass in 1965 and who working well with Martin McGuinness. How Peter Robinson performs remains to be seen.

There is plenty of analysis of Paisley's career elsewhere. I'll just post a Paisley joke instead.

Ian Paisley goes into a coma. After twenty years he regains consciousness. The first person he sets eyes on is Peter Robinson.

Paisley, desperate to find out how the situation in the north turned out grabs hold of Robinson and says "Peter, what have I missed over the last 20 years? Did we win, did we lose? You've gotta tell me"

Robinson replies "Well Ian, I've got some good news and some bad news. Do you want the good or the bad first?"

Paisley thinks about it for a minute and say "Gimme the bad news first"

Robinson: "Well the bad news is that Gerry Adams is the new president of the United Ireland"

Paisley is shocked but enquires further "So what's the good news then?"

Robinson: "Rangers are beating Celtic in the cup final" Paisley is delighted by this and asks "What score is it?"

Robinson: "3-14 to 1-11"


Well I thought it was funny!

Paisley and McGuinness

Earlier this month Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness met Edward Kennedy during a US visit. Previously Paisley would have vilified Kennedy, for his allegiance with Irish Catholics but now he thanked him for his support of successful peace talks. Kennedy on his part called Paisley and McGuinness "almost idealist" in seeking to move their country forward.

I know the Poor Mouth would have to bulk up even to make flyweight in the political blogosphere but if I had to choose one political item that has made me a little less world-weary (as opposed to the thousands of things that have sent my weltschmerz levels thought the roof) it must be the Paisley/McGuinness collaboration.

Let’s face it. who really would have thought this time last year that Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness would be in the same room as each other, let alone be visiting the USA as the First and Deputy First Ministers of Northern Ireland? I can imagine that there are a lot of people as pleasantly surprised as I am at this turn of events. Who would have thought that Paisley and McGuinness would be praising the Irish cricket team’s success at the World Cup (or that McGuinness liked cricket – I can imagine that admission had some GAA diehards spluttering into their stout!) Who would have thought that they would have been dubbed the Chuckle Brothers (not the real Chuckle Brothers, mind you)

Seriously, the two have put serious differences aside and have worked damned hard in their new roles. The smiles may seem a bit contrived at times but they do seem to have developed a good working relationship. I am sure there will be plenty of scope for disagreement and argument as time goes by but right now they represent stability and that can only be good for Northern Ireland in terms of continued peace and of course prosperity – Northern Ireland must appear a far more attractive place for investment than it has for a very long time.

Although nothing is ever absolutely certain, I do hope that 2007 is a watershed year for Northern Ireland

News organisations from all over the world are in Belfast today to see the formal installation at the Stormont of an administration headed by Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness (First Minister and Deputy First Minister, respectively). Both men had been working together since a ground breaking agreement in March.

DUP ministers will head the departments of finance, the economy, the environment, and culture and leisure. Sinn Fein will have education, agriculture and regional development while smaller parties will handle employment, health and social development. An intricate array of checks and balances has been built into the new system. In addition, the work of each department will be scrutinised by a committee headed by Assembly members from parties different to that of the ministers. Powers over policing have yet to be transferred to Belfast, but may follow in the next few years.

Mr Paisley attempted to step up pressure on Gordon Brown to supply more money. He said in an interview: "There's no use having a nice vehicle sitting in your driveway if you haven't the fuel to put into it. It will not move an inch. It might be nicely polished. It might be beautiful looking but it is not going to do anything."

But using a notably constructive tone, he declared: "I would like to see a good hard-working parliament here, with good speeches and people dedicated to do what they have been sent here to do. There is talent in the Assembly and I want to see the talent of everybody used to the maximum for the good of Northern Ireland and all of its people."

Gerry Adams said: "There is huge goodwill for the return of the power sharing institutions in the North and growing support for our proposals to build an Ireland of equals."

Paisley, McGuiness and cricket

On Thursday Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness sent a joint invitation has been sent to the Irish World Cup cricket team asking them to attend a reception at Parliament Buildings to mark their success in the Caribbean. Mr Paisley will become Northern Ireland’s First Minister, Mr McGuinness is set to take over as Deputy First Minister in May.

In the letter to the Irish World Cup cricket team Mr Paisley described their success as "a marvellous achievement". "I warmly congratulate the team and pay particular tribute to the Northern Ireland players and their manager, Ulsterman, Roy Torrens," he said. "They have put local cricket on the map. Qualifying for the tournament itself was tremendous, but making the Super Eight stage was nothing short of remarkable.”

Ireland provided some of the biggest shocks of the tournament by beating Test playing nations Pakistan and Bangladesh. Their achievements saw the side reach full one-day international status. Mr McGuinness , (surprisingly) an avid cricket fan,echoed Mr Paisley's praise.

An editorial in yesterday’s Irish Independent reminds us that even couple of months ago a joint communique of any sort would have been unthinkable. Perhaps the next step WILL be for Mr Paisley to throw in the sliothar (the ball used in hurling) on All Ireland Final day in Croke Park!

I have never had time for ether Paisley or McGuiness. I would much rather have seen neither of them taking the First Minister and Deputy posts but the people of Northern Ireland made their choice. However, I have been astonished at the way they appear to have resolved huge differences and gotten down to the business or government. As for the Irish cricket team success, perhaps it was even more unthinkable than Paisley and McGuiness working together. Hold on, Martin McGuiness an avid cricket fan. I would never had guessed that!

Politicians in handshake shock

Paisley & Ahern

The act of two politicians shaking hands is pretty mundane but when the handshake is between DUP leader Ian Paisley and Taoiseach (Irish Prime Minister) Bertie Ahern it is a news event

Mr Paisley arrived at Farmleigh House, Dublin, yesterday for talks with Mr Ahern. As he arrived he bellowed: "Good morning. I better shake hands with this man". There was a warm handshake with the Taoiseach with Mr Paisley slapping Mr Ahern affectionately on the right shoulder.

The meeting discussed the future relationship between the Irish Government and the new Stormont administration, also possibly the contribution from the Republic towards the economic peace dividend. Mr Paisley said: "I believe it is important to engage with our closest neighbour from a position of mutual respect and with assured confidence. Today, we can confidently state that we are making progress to ensure that our two countries can develop and grow side by side in a spirit of generous co-operation. "

Meanwhile in Belfast Sinn Féin announced the posts its ministers will hold in the devolved executive from next month. Conor Murphy, MP for Newry and Armagh and a former IRA prisoner, will be the new minister for regional development. Michelle Gildernew, MP for Fermanagh and South Tyrone, will be the agriculture minister. Catriona Ruane, a South Down assembly member, will be in charge of the education department, and Gerry Kelly, who escaped from the Maze prison in 1983, is taking a junior post in the Office of First and Deputy First Minister.

How times change: First the DUP and Sinn Fein agreeing to share power in the new executive, now Paisley fostering of good relations with the Republic. Mr Paisley has come a long way over the last 40 years: In the sixties he he was more likely to shout "No Surrender" then pelt a taoiseach with snowballs (as he did to Sean Lemass). The announcement of the posts Sinn Fein are due to take simply adds to the astonishing change of events in Northern Ireland.Not much more than a decade ago the IRA was still planting bombs

Here's hoping that the two fromer implacable foes can make it work for Northern Ireland

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Paisley’s Statement

Both Paisley’s and Adams’s statements yesterday are well worth reading, Both are taken from today’s Independent . After so many years of “no surrender” rhetoric, Paisley’s words are those of a politician looking to get down to the business of running a country. There will be plenty of squabbles and rows in the months and years to come, but the DUP and Sinn Fein have created a golden opportunity. I hope they do not fail by reverting to past types and reopening wounds.

“In 2003 the DUP became the largest political party in Northern Ireland and the last three and a half years has seen our strategy deliver very significant advances for the Unionist people.

"Our goal has been to see devolution returned in a context where it can make a real and meaningful improvement in the lives of all the people of this part of the United Kingdom. On 7 March, the Unionist community gave us a mandate to deliver on this pledge.

"On Saturday the DUP executive overwhelmingly endorsed a motion committing the party to support and participate fully in government in May of this year. This is a binding resolution.

"In the past the Government has set arbitrary deadlines but now, as laid out in our resolution, we, as a party, have agreed the timing, the setting-up and working of the institutions. Today, we have agreed with Sinn Fein that this date will be Tuesday, 8 May 2007.

"As the largest party in Northern Ireland, we are committed to playing a full part in all the institutions and delivering the best future for the people of Northern Ireland.

"In the period before devolution we will participate fully with the other parties to the executive in making full preparations for the restoration of devolution on 8 May.

"This meeting represents an important step on the road to the setting-up of an executive in six weeks' time. It has been a constructive engagement and we have agreed that in the weeks between now and the restoration of devolution on 8 May there is important preparatory work to be carried out so that local ministers can hit the ground running.

"This will include regular meetings between the future first and deputy first minister.

"The work must begin as quickly as possible and we have been considering a work programme to bring us to the agreed date for devolution which we are now asking the Government to legislate for.

"There is still vital work to be done to ensure the most favourable financial package possible is in place to allow devolution to succeed and prosper. To this end we have agreed with Sinn Fein to seek an early meeting with the Chancellor.

"In the next few days detailed work will begin, involving all of the executive parties, to allow a programme for government to be finalised for the start of devolution. This will require regular meetings in the next few weeks.

"The two parties have already asked the Prime Minister to ensure that no water charge bills should be issued and the matter should be left for a local executive to determine. We hope, trust and believe that the Secretary of State will listen to the voice of the people of Northern Ireland.

"After a long and difficult time in the province, I believe that enormous opportunities lie ahead for Northern Ireland.

"Devolution has never been an end in itself but is about making a positive difference to people's lives. I want to make it clear that I am committed to delivering not only for those who voted for the DUP but for all the people of Northern Ireland.

"We must not allow our justified loathing of the horrors and tragedies of the past to become a barrier to creating a better and more stable future.

"In looking to that future, we must never forget those who have suffered during the dark period from which we are, please God, emerging. We owe it to them to craft and build the best future possible and ensure there is genuine support for those who are still suffering.

"With hard work and a commitment to succeed, I believe we can lay the foundation for a better, peaceful and prosperous future for all our people

Now get on with the business of government

This is one of the photos I feared never would be taken. Even if thsiles are forced it is a landmark. The Irish Independent describes it as a snapshot for the history books, a picture that says that the Troubles are over and real politics can begin.

Sinn Fein and the Democratic Unionist party will be going into government together on May 8, no threats, no conditions and no begrudgery. It is the culmination of months of work but the DUP and Sinn Fein have put their hatred aside and have finally agreed to power sharing.

"We must not allow our justified loathing of the horrors and tragedies of the past to become a barrier to creating a better and more stable future." Paisley said. Adams provided an echo by accepting that "the relationships between the people of this island have been marred by centuries of discord, conflict, hurt and tragedy.. The discussions and agreement between our two parties shows the potential of what can now be achieved."

Mr Paisley said he would now hold regular meetings with Sinn Fein's Martin McGuinness, who last night accepted the post of Deputy First Minister. Many will watch with fascination to see what relationship develops between the Protestant patriarch and the one-time IRA commander.

Even if Paisley and McGuiness are the last two people I would like to have seen running Northern Ireland they were they represent the two largest parties in the Northern Ireland Assembly. The people have spoken. I hope they do their very best to bring lasting peace and prosperity to the six counties.