So quiet you could hear a pun drop

I love Patrick O'Brian's Aubrey-Maturin books. They are probably the best historical novels ever written.

As well as being an extremely agressive and successful naval officer he is not averse to giving the world some of the most terrible puns ever uttered. This one is from the sixth Aubrey-Maturin outing The Fortune of War:

Jack Aubrey:"Do you see those two weevils doctor?"

Stephen Maturin:"I do."

JA:"Which would choose?"

SM:"Neither. There is not a scrap a difference between them. They are the same species of curculio."

JA:"If you had to choose. If you were forced to make a choice. If there was no other response..."

SM:"Well then if your going to push me, I would choose the right hand weevil. It has significant advantage in both length and breadth."

JA:"There! I have you! Your completely dished! Do you not know that in the service, one must always choose the lesser of two weevils!"

So there you have it!