21 November 2010

A modest proposal

The Celtic Tiger may be in the process of being stuffed and mounted on an IMF wall but it looks as if at least that humour has not been extinguished.. yet. This is a letter that was published last week in the Irish Independent. The author surely had their tongue firmly planted in their cheek

DEAR Your Majesty,

On behalf of the people of Ireland I beseech you to take our little country back into the bosom of your realm and provide us with succour in our most dire hour of need.

Please ignore our complaining ad nauseam about 800 years of colonialism, your dodgy imperial past, your overrated football, cricket and rugby teams and all our unkind utterances about your wonderful family

Let me just remind you that we remain steadfast in our obsession with all things English: your gift to the world that is the English language, most of the world's major sports, your Premiership football teams, your soap operas, your musical genres, your high-street shopping -- not to mention that system of law for which we remain eternally grateful.

Nobody loves us any more, hardly anybody will lend us money and those that will actually want it back and with interest. Our politicians have been shown to be no more than a bunch of chancers and clowns who are about to bankrupt us all while they merely take a cut in expenses.

Everybody is laughing at us and showering us all with pity, which only used to happen during Eurovision or on 'The Late Late Show'.

If you could just bring yourself to offload a few of those jewels that you hardly ever wear and throw a few billion this way, we would ensure that street parties across the land will be held in the wake of your visit, which we barely deserve.

The country is already in raptures at the announcement of your grandson's engagement to some bird from Berkshire.

Of course, no other country in the civilised world would have saddled its citizenry with decades of hardship by bailing out its wastrel banks with billions of euro that it couldn't afford.

But the difference is. . . we're Irish.

Hmm perhaps Cobh will revert to Queenstown. Dum Laoghaire will go back to being Kingstown,. Laois and Offaly will be Queen’s and King’s County again.

If this happens in time then there is a good chance of an extra bank holiday for the upcoming royal wedding!


aileni said...

There you go... a solution.
Frankly I woulkd prefer the Queen to Brussels - disfunctional family notwithstanding.

jams o donnell said...

The People's Republic of Cork has a wonder thread praising a return to Britain to the high heavens. A lot of people certainly were having a good laugh.

Methinks that Fianna Fail are to be bucked and fuggered at the next election!

Sean Jeating said...

One ought not to be too optimistic, though, Jams, that under (sic) a new government will change.
As a lady of 86 only recently murmured: "When I was a girl my grandma used to say: The troughs will always be the same. Only the pigs change."

Sean Jeating said...

Sorry, some words obviously vanished.

Please read [...] that under (sic!) a new government things will fundamentally change (for the better)

jams o donnell said...

For many people in Ireland it will be eating shit under Fianna Failure or shite under Fine Gae.

I love the expression

Claude said...

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose!

His Girl Friday said...

I thought it was cheese that you will be eating, Jams.

jams o donnell said...

Very true Claude!

Ach there will be some that will be eating Government Cheese so to speak HGF

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Hm... the idea of getting back under the wise management of Her Majesty is not precisely new.

Neither it's that wise...

jams o donnell said...

We could always bring back the Mandate Snoopy! Seriously it was written with tongue in cheek and quite funny for that