Me daza, boy!

My dad left Cork in 1941, armed with a forged birth certificate that added three years to his age (he was 15) and a desire to be a fighter pilot. He didn’t become a fighter pilot, but did become a navigator in a Pathfinder squadron. But I digress:

Over 65 years on and he has not lost his Cork accent – Put him with some of his old friends (and you would swear he had never stepped more than a mile from the Four Faced Liar in his life!. To me the Cork accent is one of the most pleasant ways to hear English spoken – perhaps the best way to describe the rise and fall of the tone is sing song. There is no accent like it in Ireland or anywhere else .

Cork is also blessed with a rich slang. There are plenty of words known to the 200,000 or so residents that will being looks of utter incomprehension if spoken to a non-Corkonian.

Dad was never interested in golf but he used to chuckle every time he heard the name Bernard Langer (a langer is a fool and a penis; to be langers is to be drunk). A neighbour had a car with a number plate starting FLA. Again that amused him as to fla (or flah) is to engage in an act of sexual congress... using the langer of course! To say that someone would flah a cat in a shoe box, is an indication that they are not discriminating about their choice of sexual partner. If the flah was disappointing it could be described as a bake.

If he wanted a hair cut he would go for a bazzer, but the mind boggles as bazzes are pubic hair! Knawvshawling is to find fault with things. As an octogenarian, young people irritate him: they are all snot-nosed cafflers in his mind....

This online resource is very useful if you wish to learn more Cork slang

Note: Me Daza means it's great, very nice, fine

Going wild in the garden

It's been a very warm and pleasant Easter weekend , the time that usually marks a nation's renewed interest in things horticultural. It is estimated that Britons will spend over £2bn on plants and garden and patio accessories this weekend.

There are around 15 million gardens in the UK, covering two million acres (800 000 ha) - more space than all of Britain’s national nature reserves combined. The Ponds Conservation Trust believes that 75 per cent of Britain's frogs now live in back gardens. The Wildlife Trusts, which represents the UK's 47 local trusts, is running a joint project with the Royal Horticultural Society that is designed to help gardeners protect our native wildlife species. Called Wild About Gardens, it offers advice on the inexpensive and simple steps that could make a crucial difference.

"Domestic gardens are increasingly important for native wildlife as natural habitats in the open countryside diminish and weather conditions change. All gardeners can help protect species such as hedgehogs and robins by taking a few simple steps to create conditions in which they can thrive. Even a small piece of lawn is teeming with wildlife if you look beneath the surface. That in turn will draw in birds which are attracted by the mini-beasts, so one tiny patch can count for a lot." explained Morag Shuaib, gardening for wildlife project officer at The Wildlife Trusts.

"Some people think that if their neighbours aren't doing anything to encourage wildlife, there is no point them doing anything. But the chances are there will be another creature-friendly garden nearby, which helps to create a patchwork of plots. Obviously, what we're aiming for is to have a whole corridor of habitats. And it's worth remembering that some creatures are so small that your garden is their whole world."

It’s not a case of growing lots of nettles or brambles (I can assure you, letting a load of nettles grow right outside our shed was not one of our more inspired ideas!). A lot can be achieved from easing up of mowing and tidying up: A small pile of dead wood in a shady corner, can provides both food and shelter for toads or hedgehogs. Just a few bee and butterfly friendly plants in the border can make a huge difference.

The not-wife and myself like to think that our garden is wildlife friendly but there is more we can and will do. Watching crab spiders (saw the first of the season the day before yesterday_ Bumble bees, Leaf cutter bees and so on is a reward in itself. Meanwhile the cats have been asking us to make the garden more bird friendly... I wonder why!

In praise of Essex part 5

Dr Feelgood - Milk and Alcohol. Canvey Island's finest How the hell did Dutch pop show presenters get to look even more dorky than those on Top of the Pops?



Danielle Dax - Cat house. Hardly a stellar career but I liked her. Shame there isn't footage of her doing Inky Bloaters



Alison Moyet - Love Resurrection. As ever it ain't over till the large lass sings. I didn't care much for her solo output but this one I liked. the video was surely filmed in Billericay.

Photinia and arch

Once again we are delighted that the previous owner of our hovel had impeccable taste in plants. the Photinia is in bloom and the leaves are turning red (I suppose this is the fraseri Red Robin variety). While. It certainly looks very attractive at the moment.


....And pretty attractive in infra red too

hmm

In a brief interlude from criticising any architecture that isn’t Palladian, Prince Charles seems to have turned his attention to DVDs.

"I much prefer videos to DVDs," he revealed to Esquire magazine. "I find it so annoying having to go through the menu and finding the spot where you left off every time you try watching it in a different location." The heir to the throne, who (allegedly) required a valet to squeeze his toothpaste out for him, apparently does not have a man to operate the machine.

Perhaps it’s high time that the Duchy of Cornwall’s coffers could stretch to the post of Chamberlain of the DVD player. Or perhaps he can come kicking and screaming into the 17th Century

Why a Chihuahua is yay high and a Great Dane is bigger?

Scientists have identified a genetic marker that could explain why dogs have the widest range of body sizes among mammals. Because of selective breeding by humans since they diverged from the wolf over, dogs exhibit a wide range of body types and behaviours. The origin of the genetic diversity between different breeds of dog had been unknown.

Portuguse Water doge (may not always have its arse shaved)

An international team led by researchers from the National Human Genome Research Institute (NHGRI), part of the US National Institutes of Health (NIH),Researchers studied DNA sequences of more than 3,000 dogs from 143 breeds to pinpoint any gene variants that may help explain the size difference. In particular, they looked at Portuguese water dogs, which have the greatest variation in size of any individual breed.

They found that the smallest Portuguese water dogs had a particular piece of DNA sitting in their sequence, next to the gene that codes for the hormone insulin-like growth factor 1 (IGF1). The IGF1 gene plays an important role in body size for dogs. The "small dog" variant suppresses the activity of the gene, inhibiting growth.

The same sequence of DNA was found in other small breeds such as chihuahuas, toy fox terriers and pomeranians. It was not there in larger breeds such as Irish wolfhounds, St Bernards and great danes, or in wild members of the dog family including wolves and jackals. Researchers believe the mutation happened early in the domestication of wolves and the resulting smaller dogs were selectively bred by humans because they were easier to maintain in crowded villages and cities and easier to transport.

Just a Ted in a box

Ted has a particular affinity for boxes. This week's entry For the Friday Ark and Carnival of the Cats. More cat photos as ever at Plant porn and pussycats and at Yet to be named.

Sometime to Return - Soul Asylum

I had the temerity to say to Dave Pirner that he was Husker Du protege once - when an Immigrarion Offiicer many years ago - he told me to fuck off. Such is life...... I still like this song

Politicians in handshake shock

Paisley & Ahern

The act of two politicians shaking hands is pretty mundane but when the handshake is between DUP leader Ian Paisley and Taoiseach (Irish Prime Minister) Bertie Ahern it is a news event

Mr Paisley arrived at Farmleigh House, Dublin, yesterday for talks with Mr Ahern. As he arrived he bellowed: "Good morning. I better shake hands with this man". There was a warm handshake with the Taoiseach with Mr Paisley slapping Mr Ahern affectionately on the right shoulder.

The meeting discussed the future relationship between the Irish Government and the new Stormont administration, also possibly the contribution from the Republic towards the economic peace dividend. Mr Paisley said: "I believe it is important to engage with our closest neighbour from a position of mutual respect and with assured confidence. Today, we can confidently state that we are making progress to ensure that our two countries can develop and grow side by side in a spirit of generous co-operation. "

Meanwhile in Belfast Sinn Féin announced the posts its ministers will hold in the devolved executive from next month. Conor Murphy, MP for Newry and Armagh and a former IRA prisoner, will be the new minister for regional development. Michelle Gildernew, MP for Fermanagh and South Tyrone, will be the agriculture minister. Catriona Ruane, a South Down assembly member, will be in charge of the education department, and Gerry Kelly, who escaped from the Maze prison in 1983, is taking a junior post in the Office of First and Deputy First Minister.

How times change: First the DUP and Sinn Fein agreeing to share power in the new executive, now Paisley fostering of good relations with the Republic. Mr Paisley has come a long way over the last 40 years: In the sixties he he was more likely to shout "No Surrender" then pelt a taoiseach with snowballs (as he did to Sean Lemass). The announcement of the posts Sinn Fein are due to take simply adds to the astonishing change of events in Northern Ireland.Not much more than a decade ago the IRA was still planting bombs

Here's hoping that the two fromer implacable foes can make it work for Northern Ireland

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Bullingdon Boris - Pompous in Pompey

Boris Johnson searches for new people to offend

Boris Johnson's campaign to offend the nation seems to be continuing apace. According to today's Independent Johnson, the shadow higher education minister, went to Portsmouth recently to talk to students at the city's university. At the he was being chauffeured in a £340,000 Maybach limousine as part of a road test for GQ magazine

Johnson was apparently unimpressed by the city describing it as "one of the most depressed" towns in the south of England...too full of drugs, obesity, underachievement and Labour MPs". The people of Portsmouth were equally unimpressed: A picture of a bandanna-wearing Johnson appeared on the front page of yesterday's Portsmouth News under the headline: "You Twit".

Local MP Mike Hancock, (Liberal Democrat, not Labour) demanded that he recant publicly, "He is living up to his reputation of being a buffoon and a prat," said Mr Hancock "He is talking out of his arse and this is typical of Cameron's Conservatism... And for him to talk about people with a weight problem is ridiculous. If you imagine the supreme example of manly fitness, Boris Johnson is not the name that comes to the fore,"

But the Conservative Party - despite harbouring reasonable chances in both the city's constituencies at the next election - was standing by its man. A spokesman said: "Boris speaking his mind, in only the way Boris can, is preferable any day to Labour and Lib Dem politicians who try to cover up the truth."

In October 2004, Mr Johnson was ordered by his then leader, Michael Howard, to visit Liverpool to apologise after accusing the city of showing disproporttionate grief following the murder of hostage Ken Bigley in Iraq. Two years later he accused the people of Papua New Guinea of cannibalism.

Some might laugh off Johnson as a buffoon but it is clear that he is a liability who is not fit to hold office should the conservative win the next election... Hold on.... A liability I say? Carry on Boris, there are millions of voters out there just waiting for your bon mots...