07 August 2008

Happy Shopper Messiah preaches sermon on the mount

The Gazette (a news site for Middlesbrough and Teeside) reports on David Shayler’s recent sermon on Roseberry Topping a very distinctive hill near Middlsebrough.

David Shayler a local lad and general nutter about town has bounced back from a jail sentence in 2002 for leaking secrets including allegations that the secret services plotted to assassinate Libyan Leader Colonel Gaddafi, securing a career as a prophet (albeit a bargain basement one)

Preaching bare foot to a handful of climbers Shayler claimed that anyone can perform miracles and that Middlesbrough could be promoted as the home of the new Messiah to attract pilgrims and change people’s perceptions of the town.

He said it was good there were not too many people at the sermon, because “that’s how it was in the Bible.” Reiterating his claims to be the new Messiah, Shayler admitted people “might find it strange” He said: “When people think of Middlesbrough, they tend to think of unemployment, child abuse and a failing football team. But I want to set the record straight. Why not promote Shayler as the Messiah and get people here on pilgrimages?”

Mr Shayler spoke of the “miracle” he believes he performed when striker Massimo Maccarone scored a last-gasp winner in the quarter and semi-finals of the UEFA Cup in 2006. (Fat lot of good his miracle did the Boro – they got stuffed 4-0 in the final)

Last year Shayler claimed Mary Magdalene had visited him and anointed him the new Messiah.He also claimed the Rod of Aaron, the staff which is said to have been carried by Moses’s brother, has an anagram written on it in Hebrew which says “David Shayler is God.”

Somehow I can’t see the pilgrims flocking away from Rome, Jerusalem, Mecca or anywhere else to visit a Z-list prophet... On the other hand he might find a few suckers but only a few I would imagine.

Thanks yet again to Fortean Times


Sean Jeating said...

Seriously, Jams: I've no doubt, that in case, Jesus knocked at the door of St. Peter's, 'old Ratze', i.e. Benedict would wish his 'dear brother' well before he'd get a lift to the next loony bin.

Steve Bates said...

A UU minister (now retired) at a church I used to attend, though he never claimed to be a messiah or prophet or anything like that, nonetheless preached an annual fundraising sermon which he titled "The Sermon on the Amount." If any of us gave money, it was a miracle.

jams o donnell said...

THat wouldn't surpise me Sean!

Haha Steve, With that title I'm surprised he didn't get a ton of money!

Nunyaa said...

Amazes me how people get sucked in by these lunatics.

jams o donnell said...

There's one born every minute Nunyaa!

Liz Hinds said...

Whatever happened to David Icke?! Wasn't he the last messiah?

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

This is so mad it makes me proud to be British!

jams o donnell said...

Oh Liz there'll aways be another one along!

Haha Welshcakes, he could outbark Simi and that's for sure!