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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
11 November 2010
30 October 2009
Two Semantic Limericks - Gavin Ewart
1. According to The Shorter Oxford English Dictionary (1933)
There existed an adult male person who had lived a relatively short time, belonging or pertaining to St. John’s*, who desired to commit sodomy with the large web-footed swimming-birds of the genus Cygnus or subfamily Cygninae of the family Anatidae, characterized by a long and gracefully curved neck and a majestic motion when swimming.
So he moved into the presence of the person employed to carry burdens, who declared: “Hold or possess as something at your disposal my female child! The large web-footed swimming birds of the genus Cygnus or subfamily Cygninae of the family Anatidae, characterized by a long and gracefully curved neck and a majestic motion when swimming, are set apart, specially retained for the Head, Fellows and Tutors of the College.”
2. According to Dr Johnson’s Dictionary (Edition of 1765)
There exifted a person, not a woman or a boy, being in the firft part of life, not old, of St John’s* who wifhed to – the large water-fowl, that have along and very straight neck, and are very white, excepting when they are young (their legs and feet being black, as are their bills, which are like that of a goofe, but fomething rounder, and a little hooked at the lower ends, the two fides below their eyes being black and fhining like ebony).
In consequence of this he moved step by step to the one that had charge of the gate, who pronounced: “Poffefs and enjoy my female offspring! The large water-fowl, that have a long and very straight neck, and are very white, excepting when they are young (their legs and feet being black, as are their bills, which are like that of a goofe, but fometimes rounder, and a little hooked at the lower ends, the two fides below their eyes being black and fhining like ebony) are kept in ftore, laid up for a future time, for the fake of the gentlemen with Spanish titles.”
*A college of Cambridge University
Source Well it amused me....
There existed an adult male person who had lived a relatively short time, belonging or pertaining to St. John’s*, who desired to commit sodomy with the large web-footed swimming-birds of the genus Cygnus or subfamily Cygninae of the family Anatidae, characterized by a long and gracefully curved neck and a majestic motion when swimming.
So he moved into the presence of the person employed to carry burdens, who declared: “Hold or possess as something at your disposal my female child! The large web-footed swimming birds of the genus Cygnus or subfamily Cygninae of the family Anatidae, characterized by a long and gracefully curved neck and a majestic motion when swimming, are set apart, specially retained for the Head, Fellows and Tutors of the College.”
2. According to Dr Johnson’s Dictionary (Edition of 1765)
There exifted a person, not a woman or a boy, being in the firft part of life, not old, of St John’s* who wifhed to – the large water-fowl, that have along and very straight neck, and are very white, excepting when they are young (their legs and feet being black, as are their bills, which are like that of a goofe, but fomething rounder, and a little hooked at the lower ends, the two fides below their eyes being black and fhining like ebony).
In consequence of this he moved step by step to the one that had charge of the gate, who pronounced: “Poffefs and enjoy my female offspring! The large water-fowl, that have a long and very straight neck, and are very white, excepting when they are young (their legs and feet being black, as are their bills, which are like that of a goofe, but fometimes rounder, and a little hooked at the lower ends, the two fides below their eyes being black and fhining like ebony) are kept in ftore, laid up for a future time, for the fake of the gentlemen with Spanish titles.”
*A college of Cambridge University
Source Well it amused me....
06 December 2007
Oh dear....
I won't laugh too much, there are plenty of britons who would put up as dismal a performance!
Yet another too tired to write post....
05 August 2007
Well it amused me...
Charles Haughey was Taoiseach (Prime Minister, pron. Tea Shock) when the Republic of Ireland team made its first appearance at a World Cup finals in 1990. He went to the Irish dressing room to congratulate the dejected players after their quarter final defeat at the hands of Italy.
Some of the players were eligible to to play through Irish ancestry and were not as au fait with certain issues as perhaps they should have been:
“Who the f*ck is he?” Tony Cascarino asked Niall Quinn.
“For God’s sake,” Quinn replied. “That’s the Taoiseach.”
“Who is it, Cas?” asked Andy Townsend.
“I dunno,” Cascarino replied. “Quinny says he owns a tea shop.”
Well I thought it was funny!
17 June 2007
When Art is child’s play
I couldn’t pass on this item in today’s Times. When theatre director Sir Trevor Nunn paid £27,000 for a painting he thought he was getting a genuine Damien Hirst. One night at the theatre he found out that he had bought a painting by two children aged 10 and two... or he did so according to Keith Allen’s autobiography Grow Up.
Artist Damien Hirst had been invited to the opening night of the Harold Pinter The Homecoming at the National Theatre in 1998(in which Allen played Teddy, a philosophy professor). According to Allen, “Trevor Nunn, who had studiously ignored me up to that moment, was over in a flash, congratulating me on a wonderful performance. He swivelled round to address Damien.
‘Ah, Damien, so good to meet you. I have one of your spin paintings’. “
‘Oh yeah? Which one?’
“The answer was something like ‘Squirly Hoops Touch My Nuts Peace and Love’. “
‘How much did you pay for it?’
‘Oh, er . . .’,
‘Go on, how much?’
‘Twenty-seven grand’.
‘Oh, right. Well that one was done by Keith’s son Alfie and my son Connor’.”
“Trevor smiled loosely and went off looking white, A funny joke, you say. The funny joke was that it was absolutely true.”
Hmm well it is a funny story even if it is utterly apocryphal. I suppose the moral of the story is that someone stupid enough to buy what Hirst produces (or his production line of assistants produce) deserves everything they get!
Artist Damien Hirst had been invited to the opening night of the Harold Pinter The Homecoming at the National Theatre in 1998(in which Allen played Teddy, a philosophy professor). According to Allen, “Trevor Nunn, who had studiously ignored me up to that moment, was over in a flash, congratulating me on a wonderful performance. He swivelled round to address Damien.
‘Ah, Damien, so good to meet you. I have one of your spin paintings’. “
‘Oh yeah? Which one?’
“The answer was something like ‘Squirly Hoops Touch My Nuts Peace and Love’. “
‘How much did you pay for it?’
‘Oh, er . . .’,
‘Go on, how much?’
‘Twenty-seven grand’.
‘Oh, right. Well that one was done by Keith’s son Alfie and my son Connor’.”
“Trevor smiled loosely and went off looking white, A funny joke, you say. The funny joke was that it was absolutely true.”
Hmm well it is a funny story even if it is utterly apocryphal. I suppose the moral of the story is that someone stupid enough to buy what Hirst produces (or his production line of assistants produce) deserves everything they get!
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