Kim Young 'un gets his own song

So the Dear Beloved, Great Leader (or whatever Leader he is) Kim Jong-un has gotten his own anthem Onwards Toward the Final Victory. Just listen to the music read the lyrics and I defy anyone not to feel just a little bit Juche......

That or agree that it's a pile of turgid crap written for a little shitstain. I daresay that Alejandro Cao de bullshit and Fuckwit, sorry, Dermot Hudson already have it on their ipods

North Korea has warned that its army has "powerful modern weapons" that could defeat the US with a "single blow", as the isolated state continued to ramp up rhetoric ahead of an expected nuclear test.

Vice-marshal Ri Yong-ho, Chief of the General staff, speaking at a meeting to mark the 80th anniversary of the army's founding, added that they would "cut the throats" of anyone who defamed North Korean leaders.

"The Korean People's Army is armed with powerful modern weapons ... that can defeat the [US] imperialists at a single blow," he said at the meeting which was attended by new leader Kim Jong-un.

It was unclear what weapon Vice-marshal Ri was referring to, but following the high-profile failure of a rocket launch earlier this month, North Korea is believed to be preparing its third nuclear test. On Monday, Pyongyang warned it was planning special operations against the South Korean government.

I suppose that this sort of bullshit goes down well at home but they clearly have no idea how stupid they make the DPRK sound abroad.

Kim Jong-un has a laughably small penis. I await a visit from a North Korean agent brandishing a knife...

DPRK say: I'll thcream and thcream 'till I'm thick

Yesterday North Korea gave a typical response to the suspension byt teh USA of food aid.
 

"We have thus become able to take necessary retaliatory measures, free from the agreement. The US will be held wholly accountable for all the ensuing consequences," its foreign ministry said.

THe North Koreans also rejected condemnation by the United Nations Security Council, including China, of the failed launch last ure that iday.

Japan's Yomiuri Shimbun newspaper said on Wednesday that China has suspended the refugee repatriation deal because it was not consulted about the launch, seen by the US and its allies as a covert test of ballistic missile technology. The paper quoted two Chinese officials as saying the longstanding policy of swiftly returning North Koreans as economic migrants - despite the punishment they face back home - had been put on hold.

"North Korea failed to disclose specific plans of the missile launch to the Chinese side," the paper quoted one unidentified official as saying.
The suspension reflects Beijing's displeasure with its neighbour which "did not show the necessary attention to its friend China", the official said.

Pyongyang insists its failed satellite launch did not breach a February deal with Washington, under which it vowed to suspend uranium enrichment and nuclear and missile tests in return for food aid.But the US called off plans to start shipping 240,000 tonnes of food, saying the North could no longer be trusted.

On Monday a Security Council presidential statement "strongly condemned" the launch. It ordered a tightening of existing sanctions and warned of new action if the isolated state stages another nuclear or long-range missile test.

Pyongyang said Washington had imposed a "brigandish demand" on the Council and that every country has the right to launch satellites for peaceful purposes."Nothing can stand in the way of (North Korea)'s space development for peaceful purposes," it vowed. (Apart form their own incompetence)


"With the February agreement broken down in practice, the North will likely take many of the steps the US and South Korea have long feared, including another nuclear test and a long-range missile test," said Paik Hak-Soon of the South's Sejong Institute think-tank.

Paik tvelieved it was hard to imagine any conciliatory US gesture in an election year, and a with a presidential election was looming in South Korea.
"The North has realised, given the situation in the US and the South, that it is unlikely there will be any major diplomatic breakthroughs with either country until early 2013. So it will do whatever it wants to do until then," he said.

Yang Moo-Jin of Seoul's University of North Korean Studies said that when the US and the Security Council start taking punitive actions, "Pyongyang will certainly respond with actions as well. "These would include a third nuclear test, or test-launching of an inter-continental ballistic missile or stepping up activities involving weapons-grade uranium," Yang said.

To be honest I simply cannot get my head around  the DPRK. Personally I would simply forget about an my conciliation or aid to the country, help ensure that South Korea's defences are adequate to meet an attack fro the North (if  they are so stupid as to try an invasion) and get on with other things.

If the DPRK wushes to shout and scream like some petulant child then why should we listen. As for China, it looks as if they are reaching the end of their very long tether. It is unlikely they would attack DPRK but I am sure they have the facility to make things difficult for Kim Jong Young 'Un if they so wished.

Only a small number of nations have successfully launched a satellite into orbit so far: The USSR (and following its break up, Russia and Ukraine); The USA; France; Japan; China; The UK; India; Israel and Iran. In addition, the European Space Agency launched its first satellite in 1979. Many nations have satellites in orbit but these would have been launched by one of these nations.

Much of the international press carries reports of North Korea's latest attempt to to join the select band of satellite launchers. unlike its previous two attempts North Korea has admitted failure. KCNA has apparently issued a brief report stating:

The DPRK launched its first application satellite Kwangmyongsong-3 at the Sohae Satellite Launching Station in Cholsan County, North Phyongan Province at 07:38:55 a.m. on Friday.

The earth observation satellite failed to enter its preset orbit.
Scientists, technicians and experts are now looking into the cause of the failure.

Claimed to be an earth observation satellite, it was intended that the launch of  Kwangmyongsong-3 would mark the centenary of the "Great Leader", Kim Il Sung's, birth.

This is not the first time that North Korea has failed to launch a satellite but it is the first time that it has admitted the faliure.

North Korea's first attempt to reach space took place in 1998 with Kwangmyongsong-1 (above). Although the launched failed the North Korean media claimed that it completed more than 100 orbits broadcasting such stirring songs as "the Song of General Kim Jong-Il and "Juche Korea", albeit in morse code.



Good isn't it!

 It wasn't until 1999 that North Korea tried another launch. Once again, the satellite, Kwangmyŏngsŏng-2 (launch pic above), failed to reach orbit. This did not stop KCNA issuing a press release claiming success:


The successful satellite launch symbolic of the leaping advance made in the nation's space science and technology was conducted against the background of the stirring period when a high-pitched drive for bringing about a fresh great revolutionary surge is under way throughout the country to open the gate to a great prosperous and powerful nation without fail by 2012, the centenary of birth of President Kim Il Sung, under the far-reaching plan of General Secretary Kim Jong Il. This is powerfully encouraging the Korean people all out in the general advance.

Everone one else, except the likes of Alexandro Cao de Benes and his Korean Friendship Association lackeys, said "it ain't there dude!"

For North Korea third time wasn't lucky. Perhaps it's time to give up and try macrame instead.

In which Jams O' Donnell increases his vockablary

I would recomend that everyone visits the Korean Central News Agency (a propaganda organ of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea... Hah) at least once in their life. It is not, most definitely not,  that I endorse the North Korean regime in any way, shape or form; it is just that the way English is used by the KCNA is a sight to behold. 

Here is an extract from a report entitled Dissemination of Juche Idea to Be Intensified in Various Countries

Pyongyang, May 25 (KCNA) -- The Bangladesh Institute of the Juche Idea made public a statement on May 18 in support of the decision of the 13th enlarged meeting of the Executive Committee of the Board of Directors of the International Institute of the Juche Idea and the appeal to the Juche idea followers of the world adopted at the Latin American regional seminar on the Juche idea.

The statement noted that President Kim Il Sung founded the Juche idea to clearly indicate the way for the accomplishment of the human cause of independence and ushered in the rise of the Songun revolution under the banner of the Juche idea, thus making immortal contributions to global independence.

Under the Songun leadership of Kim Jong Il perfectly carrying forward the idea and cause of the President the Korean people are setting a shining example in defending the sovereignty of the country and the socialist gains and building a great prosperous and powerful country of Juche, it added.


But I digress. A couple of days ago this headline had me scratching my won head in puzzlement: 1,551 Macrobians in Cuba

"What on earth is a macrobian?", I asked myself. The text was of little help:

There are 1,551 Macrobians above 100 years old in Cuba at present. This is an increase of 10 over that last year, Cuban newspaper Granma said.

A Google search of the word pointed me to Wikipedia/ It seems that Macrobians were an ancient people who lived on the Somali peninsula during the 1st millennium BC. They were mentioned by Herodotus as being a nation of people that had mastered longevity with the average Macrobian living till the age of 120. They were said to be the "Tallest and Handsomest of all men"

So Cuba is home to over 1,500 elderly Somalis? Perhaps they moved there to take advantage of Cuba's high standard of healthcare.

Wiktionary defines macrobian as "having an exceptionally long lifespan"

So there you have it. a macrobian is basically someone who is very old. I live and learn. Had it not been for an occasional dip into the surreal world of North Korean propaganda I may never have encountered this word.

Make of this what you will...

An opportunity lost

So dull he even sends himself to sleep

Despite not being desperately taken by the content of the Wikileaks cables there are some gems including this one reported in yesterday’s Obsever.

It seems that North Korea wanted the US to arrange for Eric Clapped-out to play a concert in Pyonyang,

A confidential cable dated 22 May 2007 from the US ambassador in Seoul to Washington reveals North Korean officials "suggested" to the Americans that because Kim Jong-il's second son, Kim Jong-chol, was "a great fan" of the British guitarist, a "performance could be an opportunity to build goodwill". The report adds that "arranging an Eric Clapton concert in Pyongyang… could be useful, given Kim Jong-il's second son's devotion to the rock legend".

Rock and pop are forbidden in North Korea because of their western influences but of course some people are more equal than others – Heaven forbid that one of the Kims would have to endure the restrictions of one of the family’s millions of serfs.

The request was portrayed by North Korea as a way to "promote understanding" between the communist nation and the west. Clapton apparently agreed in principle but the plan later appeared to stall, however, with Clapton denying that he had agreed to take part.

Ah given the behaviour of the Kims in the past it may have been that Clapton would have bee kidnapped – the fate of at least on Japanese film director… Frankly they would be welcome to the over rated tosser. In fact it is a shame that there had not been a whole festival. I can think of plenty of artistes who could have spent the rest of their careers performing for the Kims!

Kim Jong Cartman opposes DPRK dynasty

Kim Jong Cartman, sorry Kim Jong-nam is the oldest of Kim Jong_il’s sons. Aged 39, he lives with his wife and family in Macao, the former Portuguese colony. On a $500k per annum allowance.

Cartman was the the Dear Leader’s anointed successor until he blotted his copybook (rather he dipped the whole damn book in the ink!) in 2001 when he was caught trying to enter Japan on a false Dominican Republic passport. He had, reportedly done so in order to visit Tokyo Disneyland.

According to today’s Telegraph it seems that he does not now approve of th North Korea’s hereditary principle which is grooming his 27-year-old half-brother Kim Jong-un to be the next leader.


"Personally I am opposed to the hereditary transfer to a third generation of the family," Jong-nam told Japan's Asahi TV Network in an interview conducted in Beijing on Saturday.

Although disapproving of the hereditary principle, Jong-nam, said he would continue to support his brother from afar, hinting that he had no plans to return home after his brother took power.

Little brother

"As a matter of course, I think it was my father who made the decision. As I have had no interest in the matter, I don't care at all," he said. "I hope my younger brother will do his best to make the lives of the North Korean people affluent. For my part, I am prepared to help my younger brother whenever necessary while I stay abroad."

Jong-nam also maintain a second property in Beijing and make visits to Bangkok and Moscow….


Mm is this a case of sour grapes? But perhaps the grapes are not so sour as to see his allowance cut off...

If only we had leaders like this...

It looks like KCNA runs an "On this day" item This is from 27 August 1975...

"President Kim Il Sung gave field guidance to a cooperative farm in Anju City, South Phyongan Province.

On a snow-covered field he talked with a soldier-turned sub-workteam head about corn farming for a while. He asked the sub-workteam head about the way of transplanting the maximum number of humus-pot-grown corn seedlings per phyong (3.954 sq. yds).

With a poor knowledge of corn farming, he could not properly answer to the question.
Finding him at a loss for an answer, the President leveled snow piled up between furrows. He then taught the sub-workteam head a new method of planting the prescribed number of bunches of seedlings perphyong, drawing it on the snow.

Hmm I wonder if said sub-workteam head learned a lot more about agriculture at a gulag or the North Korean equivalent...

Heroic tweets of glorious leader and shing Juche path

According to the Telegraph the DPRK has rather surprisingly gotten on the Twitter bandwagon! The secretive regime has begun micro-blogging under the name @uriminzok, with a number of posts pointing its followers to anti-Seoul and anti-US statements on the website. Uriminzokkiri.com


I can’t read the tweets, they being in Korean but the website can be translated using Google’s translation function

On this site we find out that Songun is brilliant in August (if it is brilliant in August then it must be blinding in mid-winter)

At 08,12 there is a link to the tweet Complement each rub the sophistry of the absurd

With translations like that I will be back. On the other hand the KCNA manages to commit atrocities on our language without the aid of a translation function!

Hot news from DPRK

Yes I know that making fun of Korean Central News Agency stories (the organ ofthe DPRK) is like shooting fish in a barrel... but what the hell, here goes

Art Performances Given by Art Squads of Mills

Pyongyang, July 26 (KCNA) -- The art squad of the Kim Jong Suk Pyongyang Silk Mill and the itinerant art squad of the Pyongyang Textile Mill gave their art performances at the People's Palace of Culture from July 21 to 25.

The performances were enjoyed by officials of party and power organs, working people's organizations, ministries and national institutions, servicepersons and working people from all walks of life in the city of Pyongyang.

In such numbers as chorus "The General Is Our Father", dialogic poem "We Sing of the Loving Care Shown by the Three Commanders of Mt. Paektu", female chorus and pangchang "Recollecting the Birthplace" the performers highly sang of the immortal feats of the great persons of Mt. Paektu who put forward the working class as the driving forces of the revolution and led them to become performers of heroic feats.

Tale and singing "My Beloved Workplace", female chorus "Oriole Chirps in Compound of Our Mill", female solo and Janggu ensemble "Let's Go to Pick Mulberry Leaves" and witty talk "Hot Wind of Emulation" struck a deep impression on the audience as they truthfully represented the devoted efforts of the working people and their worthwhile life.

Put on the stage were also numbers reflecting the faith and will of the workers to uphold the party and the leader with victory in the drive for great surge.

AH what would I give to hear songs with such snappy titles!

DPRK creates artificial sun

Billions of dollars are being spent on taking nuclear fusion from the realms of stars and H Bombs and into our lives as a source of cheap, clean energy. At present it seems to be many years off, cold fusion experiments excepted.

That is until this morning when the Guardian carried a report that North Korea had done what the combined might of the rest of the world could not.

So it was off to the Korean Central News Agency which had this to say yesterday (12 May)

Scientists of the DPRK succeeded in nuclear fusion reaction on the significant occasion of the Day of the Sun this year....The successful nuclear fusion marks a great event that demonstrated the rapidly developing cutting-edge science and technology of the DPRK.

The nuclear fusion technology is called "artificial solar" technology as it represents a field of the latest science and technology for the development of new energy desired by humankind. The nuclear fusion technology for obtaining safe and environment-friendly new energy the source of which is abundant draws great attention of world science at present.

Scientists of the DPRK have worked hard to develop nuclear fusion technology their own way. They solved a great many scientific and technological problems entirely by their own efforts without the slightest hesitation and vacillation even under the conditions where everything was in short supply and there were a lot of difficulties, thus succeeding in nuclear fusion reaction at last.

In this course, Korean style thermo-nuclear reaction devices were designed and manufactured, basic researches into nuclear fusion reaction completed and strong scientific and technological forces built to perfect the thermo-nuclear technology by their own efforts.

The successful nuclear fusion in the DPRK made a definite breakthrough toward the development of new energy and opened up a new phase in the nation's development of the latest science and technology.

Needless to say the UK Branch of the Korean Friendship Association, JISGE (Juche idea study group of England) and ASSPUK (Association for the study of songun politics UK) have praised the DPRK for this great breakthrough Check out Anglo Peoples Korea Friendship/Songun blog (Type it into your browser!) for the relevant statements

As for international response to this momentous occasion? The response seems to be (gently) “Err, we think not!” And who am I to gainsay the international response?

A Fillum Review from the KFA

It’s been a while since I visited the website of Korea’s Foul Apologists, sorry that should be the Korean Friendship Association. It was just as well as I found a wonderful post from England’s premier fan of Juche and Songun, Fuckwit, err Dermot Hudson in which he praises a recent North Korean film to the high heavens. The film in question is The Voice Calling Me. Here is his review:


... Just watched a DVD of a newish DPRK film “Voices Calling Me”. This tells the story of the land rezoning campaign in the DPRK centring on father and son bulldozers (bulldozer drivers or perhaps they really are father and son vehicles, called “Dear Leader” and “Spirit of Stakhanov” or the North Korean equivalent.)

I found one of the most impressive and moving scenes is when the army arrives to help in the project a practical example of army–people unity.

There is a beautiful scene near the end when a mass meeting is held to present the bulldozer driver with a membership card of the WPK.

So there you have it. When you have films like that who needs Citizen Kane?

I was so taken by the review that I resolved to find a copy for myself but does Amazon stock it or can I rent it from Lovefilm? Can I hell! Mercifully a copy is available here for the utterly reasonable price of 25 Euros. Unfortunately it does not seem to have English subtitles. Ah well it’s Korean lessons for me then...

People of the DPRK commemorate passing of Great Leader, Dear Leader in rude health despite what western lackeys say

Last Wednesday the workers, soldiers and peasants of the indefatigable Democratic People’s Republic of Korea paid tribute to the peerless triumphs of the Great leader Kim il Sung on the occasion of the 15th anniversary of his passing from Great Leader to Eternal Leader.

The Great and then Eternal Leader happy after a successful day of purging imperialist running dogs

According to KCNA:

Senior officials of the party and state, leading officials of the party and power organs, working people's organizations, ministries and national institutions visited the Kumsusan Memorial Palace on the occasion of the 15th anniversary of demise of President Kim Il Sung. Blah, blah’ blah A floral basket in the joint name of Blah, blah, blah

Kimilsungia, a feature of many of the flower baskets

Servicepersons of the Korean People's Army, people from all walks of life and school youth and children blah, blah, blah floral baskets blah, blah, blah .

An endless stream of people visited the statue of the President on Mansu Hill in Pyongyang in boundless reverence and yearning for him, blah, blah blah, floral basket sent by Kim Jong Il, blah, blah, blah.

Kimjongillia, also a featured plant in many of the flower baskets

Blah.. Blah, blah, blah floral baskets in the name of blah, blah, blah. Also placed were floral baskets in the name blah, blah, blah. Overseas Koreans and foreigners. Servicepersons, working people and school youth and children from across the country visited the statues of the President in their residential areas. They laid floral baskets (and WOW), bouquets and flowers before the statues, blah, blah, blah.

Meanwhile President Kim Il Sung was lauded in the highest terms by Shawn Pikford, delegate of the British organization for the study of the Juche idea, which claims a membership of over 77 million students in England alone.

“The validity and vitality of the Juche idea blah, blah, blah,” he said. The great Juche idea blah, blah, blah independent life blah, blah, blah world progressives. Blah, blah, blah will shine more brightly blah, blah, blah Juche idea, blah, blah, blah. The President is always alive blah, blah, blah hearts of the Korean people blah, blah, blah immortal exploits blah, blah blahh, revolutionary cause, blah, blah; blah Kim Jong Il.”

But surprisingly not a single mention of floral baskets

As can be seen a lot of flowers sacrificed their lives to pay proper tribute to the colossus of the Songun ideal and enough hot air was generated to heat all of Pyongyang’s schools and hospitals for several months (pity the ceremony did not take place when it was cold...)

But what of General Secretary, the dear leader Kim Jong Il?

As painted just before his run up Mt Baedku

According to KCNA he visited the Kumsusan Memorial Palace at 0:00 on Wednesday accompanied by Vice Marshal of the KPA Kim Yong Chun, minister of the People's Armed Forces, General of the KPA Ri Yong Ho, chief of the General Staff of the KPA, General of the KPA Kim Jong Gak, first vice-director of the General Political Department of the KPA, Vice Marshal of the KPA Kim Il Chol, first vice-minister of the People's Armed Forces, staff members of the Supreme Command of the KPA and other general officers of the KPA.

He together with the above-said commanding officers of the NDC and the KPA paid homage to President Kim Il Sung.

Of course it goes without saying that he was in the peak of health and indeed only the day before ran to the top of Mount Baedku on Tuesday although it must be stressed that it did leave hi a little tired the following day as can be seen in the following picture:

Dear Leader a little tired after running up Mt Baedku

The lackey press of the Capitalist lapdogs have had the temerity to claim that the Dear Leader may have Pancreatic Cancer.

The fascist South Korean government mouthpiece YTN television channel reported that Kim had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, citing unidentified intelligence officials.

It is in fact clear that the Dear Leader is still in charge and taking forward the peeless ideals of Juche, tirelessly working for the benefit of the freedom loving Korean people. The Dear leader has since rested and undertaken an intensive course of rejuvenation the effects of which can clearly be seen in the latest official photograph issued yesterday.

The Dear Leader (left) rejuvenated and ready to rule the DPRK for another 60 years

Long live Juche!

An unpaid advert on behalf of North Korean beer

North Korea has foregone the launch of another missile to launch a tv advert instead for a local brew. .

Extolling the virtues of the product of Taedonggang Beer Factory the advert features young women in traditional Korean dress serving trays of beer to men in Western suits and a thirsty worker holding a mug of frothy beer.

Billed as the "Pride of Pyongyang", the advert promises drinkers that the beer will help ease stress."It represents the new look of Pyongyang," the two-and-a-half minute advert says. "It will be a familiar part of our lives."

The beer has been in production since the Taedonggang Beer Factory bought a British brewery in 2002 and shipped it back to North Korea.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il, said to have a fondness for fine wines and brandy, has taken a personal interest in the brewery. "Watching good quality beer coming out in an uninterrupted flow for a long while, he noted with great pleasure that it has now become possible to supply more fresh beer to people in all seasons," North Korea's state news agency, KCNA, said after he visited the brewery in 2002."

Comments following the article on the BBC website indicate that is is a bit sour, can be of variable quality, sometimes cloudy, but not bad.

Even if it were to make its way to the UK I'm not sure if it would become my favourite tipple. I'd probably try a bottle out of curiosity though

North Korean nuclear test

North Korea says it has staged a "successful" underground nuclear test more powerful than the first one conducted by the stare in October 2006. (according to the BBC and just about every other news source)

An official communiqué read out on North Korean state radio said another round of underground nuclear testing had been "successfully conducted... as part of measures to enhance the Republic's self-defensive nuclear deterrent in all directions". The test had been "safely conducted at a new high level in terms of explosive power and control technology" and would "contribute to safeguard the sovereignty of the country and the nation and socialism.”

The North gave no details of the test location, but South Korean officials said that a seismic tremor was detected in the north-eastern part around the town of Kilju - the site of North Korea's first nuclear test. The US Geological Survey said a 4.7-magnitude quake was detected at 0054 GMT, 10km (six miles) underground.

Russian news agencies quoted the defence ministry as saying said its systems had detected a blast of "between 10 and 20 kilotons" - making it much bigger than the 2006 test, which the US said was less than a kiloton.

The test has prompted international condemnation and an emergency session of the UN Security Council is being convened by Russia, which currently occupies the council's rotating presidency.

Hmm I daresay there will be more expressions of condemnation but the deed is done and it does look like the North Koreans have worked out how to do it properly this time. I daresay that others will analyse this event far better than I ever could

but I will sum up my thoughts in two words – “not good”. It was interesting, however, to see what the useful idiots at the Korean Friendship Association had to say. I was pleasantly surprised to see one use the word "calumniated". I had never seen it used before!

Rocket launch grabbed from N Korean tv by Xinhua

On Monday the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) reported the successful launch of North Korea’s first satellite Kwangmyongsong-2 (aka Lodestar). According to KCNA the satellite “is sending to the earth the melodies of the immortal revolutionary paeans Song of General Kim Il Sung and Song of General Kim Jong Il”.

The launch was is described as being “symbolic of the leaping advance made in the nation's space science and technology was conducted against the background of the stirring period when a high-pitched drive for bringing about a fresh great revolutionary surge is under way throughout the country to open the gate to a great prosperous and powerful nation without fail by 2012, the centenary of birth of President Kim Il Sung, under the far-reaching plan of General Secretary Kim Jong Il. This is powerfully encouraging the Korean people all out in the general advance

Not surprisingly, the good people of the Korean F**kwit Association exploded in paroxysms of delight: Dermot (sterling fellow) Hudson said “Congratulations to the DPRK on the successful launch.This is the fruit of the independent national economy,self reliance and Juche.It is a gunshot signifiying the building of a great prosperous powerful socialist nation. The US imperialists and great powers who lorded over the world once have been proved useless and impotent LONG LIVE THE DPRK! LONG LIVE JUCHE SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY! LONG LIVE THE WPK ! LONG LIVE THE GREAT LEADER COMRADE KIM JONG IL! MANSE MANSE MANSE!

Australian member Yuchen Wank went even further saying “I dreamed this unforgetable moment last night, with some glorious images of Mao and Stalin. With other pictures appeared in my mind, which associates with those bloody capitalist exploritation, opression, injustice and corruption in my own country, I actually cried! But this was a happy cry! Love you, the DPRK!”


Today’s Times has a an interesting satellite image of the launch which shows smoke from the rocket across the forested hills and the fiery trail of the object.

Contrary to the North Korean media Four of the countries (USA, Russia, South Korea and Japan) monitoring the skies for the signs of the satellite have reported no sign of it, or its music. According to the US military, the rocket failed to separate at the second and third stage. It flew over Japan and ditched in the Pacific after a journey of 2,000 miles.

It depends what North Korea really wanted out of the launch. If it was the vain prestige of becoming the 13th spacefaring nation (joining, in chronological order, the USSR, USA, Canada, France, Australia, Japan, China, the UK, India, Israel, the Ukraine and Iran... oh and the ESA too) then the launch was an utter failure. Or perhaps it was, as suspected, a cover for a ballistic missile test. Whatever the reason it distresses me that North Korea can spend good money on a space programme but can’t afford to employ some decent copy writers for KCNA!

Dear Leader in surprise election victory

Yesterday Kim Jong-il was staring into the abyss of electoral defeat. However, in an escape that would have made Harry Houdini jealous he has been swept back into power by a grateful people. According to the Press Association the electorate gave the ruling party a ringing endorsement with 100% of the vote in a 99.98% turnout.

According to AFP turnout in Kim’s own seat, military constituency 33,3 was 100%. "all the voters of Constituency No. 333 participated in the election and voted for Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army Kim Jong-Il," the official Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) reported. "This is the expression of all service persons' and people's absolute support and profound trust in Kim Jong-Il,"

The election gives no indication of Kim’s likely successor – none of his three sons was nominated for a seat – but the Dear Leader can breath easy again in the knowledge that he has a mandate to force North Koreans to bend over and take another inch.

General election takes place in the world's one true democracy

The vote has now been cast, the polls are closed and North Korea's version of John Snow is almost certainly set to move his swingometer. Political pundits are poised to pick up the results. It is election time in the DPRK.

Needless to say there is one candidate per seat so the result it a foregone conclusion. That said The nation truly has a one man, one vote system and the one man of course is the Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il.

The only real item of interest in what is of course a rubber stamp exercise is whether The Dear Leader's third son Kin Jong-Un actually appears on the ballot. This may confirm rumours that he is favoured to succeed his father.

According to ITAR-Tass (not exactly a first choice news source for the Poor Mouth) thousands of residents of the capital Pyongyang dressed in festived clothes stood in lines to cast their vote (turn out last time was reportedly 99.9%.... hmmm).

In theory, each voter has the right to express his or her discontent with the candidacy of a would-be representative and cross out the name in the ballot, but no such cases are known in practice here.North Korean mass media claim that this is the most democratic form of a direct voting by secret ballot.

At the end of the voting procedure, each voter is expected to stop by the portraits of the country's leader Kim Jong Il and his father Kim Il Sung, the founder of the Korean socialist state, and to make several bows to them.

I'm sure the Korean Friendship Association and its Juche brown nosers like Alejandro Cao de Benos de Les y Pérez and Dermot (a sterling fellow and in no way a f**kwit) are probably enraptured.... Hiho

Kim Jong-il declares successor..... possibly

Just 10 days after noting that the Dear Leader had apparently placed a moratorium on discussion of his succession (see post here) there comes news that he has changed his mind, or had his mind changed for him, or possibly time passes more quickly in what is surely heaven on earth (and I wrote that with a straight face - amazing!).

According to the Times (and presumably lots of other papers) Intelligence sources in Seoul have suggested that Kim has chosen his third and favourite son, Jong Un, to take over the family business-cum-personality cult that is the DPRK.

Kim Jong Un is thought to be no more than 24 years old was educated in Switzerland and is the child of Kim’s third marriage. In the regular and heated speculation among North Korea watchers over the shape of a world without Mr Kim, Jong Un has been routinely dismissed as a likely successor because of his youth. Little about his upbringing is thought to make him suited to the task of following in the dynastic footsteps. And if he does take control he will preside over a dead economy and an agricultural crisis that annually pushes the country dangerously close to famine.

Analysts at the Korea Institute for National Unification said that the critical date to watch was the parliamentary election on March 8: if Jong Un is suddenly given a seat on the powerful National Defence Commission that will be a sign that he is begun the grooming process required before he can succeed his father. Experts in North Korean propaganda said that the selection of young successor was a logical step for the regime: the cult surrounding the “Dear Leader” has consistently presented him as vigorous and hearty. If, as many suspect, Mr Kim has suffered a stroke and is actually rather frail, the only way to present that reality to ordinary North Koreans, said one government source in Seoul, is with his young, vigorous son at his side.

Rumours of the anointment have been greeted with scepticism in some intelligence quarters, as were suggestions that the political and military hierarchies had already been asked to pass the heir apparent’s name down through their ranks to prepare people for an eventual handover - Many observers believe that South Korean intelligence “scoops” on the subject are liable to be flawed.

Questions began to arise last September when Mr Kim failed to make an appearance at a huge public parade for which participants had been rehearsing for more than a year. As suspicions mounted that the Dear Leader might be critically ill or dying, so too did worries over a possible power vacuum at the top of the notoriously unpredictable regime. If he died without selecting and grooming an heir, said US intelligence sources in December, the risks of instability were substantial.

The succession question had been complicated by the lack of an obvious heir. Kim’s eldest son, Jong Cartman, sorry, Nam, is believed to have put himself out of the running with a series of blunders including an attempt to enter Japan with a forged passport - he had allegedly been attempting to visit Tokyo Disneyland. According to a biography written by his former sushi chef, Kim considers his second son, Jong Chol, too weak to be in the running as successor.

So There you have it. As I said just 10 days ago this could be baseless speculation but it is, nevertheless, interesting. It does say something about the DPRK that Kim's daughter, Kim Sul-seong, who is apparently a trusted confidante and already holds a senior post in the ruling Workers Party, is unlikely to get a look in.

There is burning question: if Kim the First was the Great Leader and Kim the Second is the Dear Leader, what will Jong Un be called? The Cute Leader? The Moderately Priced Leader? The Bless his Cotton Socks Leader? I wait with bated breath

DPRK doggerel fest

The Korean Central News Agency is a treasure trove of news about the greatest nation on this planet and the most steadfast, fearless and peace loving leader.. and by far the fittest and healthiest too. Its convoluted, nay tortured, prose style is an utter delight to read. (long live Sorghum! death to the enemies of Touche! and so on and so forth – Wow, I managed to write this paragraph with a straight face!)

It is with, ahem, great pleasure to note that KCNA reported that an award ceremony was held as part of the DPRK’s 60th anniversary for international works books “praising the greatness of the three generals of Mt. Paektu and introducing and giving publicity to the greatness of the Songun politics of the Workers' Party of Korea and the true picture of the DPRK”. Apparenty 600 such works were created in more than 40 countries

Prize recipients included Alejandro Cao de Benos, chairman of the Korean Friendship Association and S. Surenjav, president of J. Sambuu Herders Development Fund of Mongolia. An appeal to the writers and progressive people of the world loving justice and conscience was adopted at the awarding ceremony.

I have previously posted examples of juche poetry from Cao de Benos and from Britain’s own Dermot Hudson. It is execrable stuff created by utter idiots (although the DPRK considers them useful idiots, I’m sure) but to give you a flavour of the sort of sheer rubbish that receives prizes here’s a poem by American Songum junkie John Paul Cupp in praise of Kim Il Sung

We are the masses.
You were the masses' leader.
We are the driving force of history.
You were the best in all of us.
You were the Father of Juche;
a reminder to the poor and wretched ones
that anything but unshakled (sic) independence is untolerable (sic).

Protecting the dignity with Guns!
A brilliant Iron-willed Supreme Commander.
A Guerrilla of Genius and Merit.
Japan will never rule Korea, again!
Even the US was forced to leave Korea in defeat!
An example for freedom fighters, everywhere.

Oh, how much we love and venerate you,
Great Leader KIM IL SUNG!!!
You will always be our red-glowing sun shining!

Heroic Communist who held the Party's flag aloof!
You truely (sic) loved the people,
and the people in turn rallied behind you!
This is the relationship of a new kind,
between the masses and their leader,
and without such a leader their will never be a revolution.
Great Leader, I only desire to be a Communist of the KIM IL SUNG-TYPE!

Compare Cupp’s dogshiterel with this poem by Osip Mandelstam.

We live, deaf to the land beneath us,
Ten steps away no one hears our speeches

All we hear is the Kremlin mountaineer,
The murderer and peasant-slayer.

His fingers are fat as grubs
And the words, final as lead weights, fall from his lips,

His cockroach whiskers leer
And his boot tops gleam.

Around him a rabble of thin-necked leaders -
fawning half-men for him to play with.

The whinny, purr or whine
As he prates and points a finger,

One by one forging his laws, to be flung
Like horseshoes at the head, to the eye or the groin.

And every killing is a treat
For the broad-chested Ossete.

The poem is about Stalin but change Kremlin for Baedku and Ossete for, let’s say, Korean and we have a far better description of the Dear and Great Leaders than Cupp’s (or cao de Benos’s or Hudson’s) propagandist rubbish.

Thanks to the comments section on this Portland Indymedia post for the comparison between Cupp and Mandelstam.