The end is nigher than we thought

Don’t worry about 2012, we won’t last that long if Maria Exley of Colorado Springs is to be believed.

According the Colorado Springs Gazette she is convinced that the end of the world will come next year. So strong is her conviction that she’s paid $1,200 to buy advertising space on 10 Springs bus benches through October to get the word out. The ad says, “Save the Date! Return of Christ: May 21, 2011, WeCanKnow.com.”

Exley got the idea for the ads from listening to Family Radio, a Christian broadcast hosted by controversial Christian leader Harold Camping. Camping predicts Christ will return on the date in Exley’s advertisement. Listeners in other states have also purchased outdoor ad space to proclaim the date.

The ads are written and designed by the creators of WeCanKnow.com, an Ohio-based web site devoted to reminding people of Christ’s return. “We hope it raises awareness and sends people to their Bible,” said Robert Dunham, spokesman for WeCanKnow.com.

“Time is running out, but there is still time for salvation.”

Well that’s me convinced. Henceforth I will abjure my sinful ways. No more frottage, felching or other foul fornication for me. No more strong liquor, swearing or sinful thoughts. From now on it’s prayer and penance all the way.... Ah fuck it I’ll stay damned!

In case of the Rapture....

According to Fox News a new website has been set up so that people swept up to heaven in the Rapture can send e-mails to loved ones left behind on Earth.

YouveBeenLeftBehind.com promises to alert up to 62 people exactly six days after the event that, according to the Bible, signals the beginning of Armageddon, "You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ," the site promoting the service says.

Final e-mails from vanished subscribers will be triggered when three of the site's five Christian staffers fail to log in for six days in a row. The site, the brainchild of Mark Heard, charges $40 a year for the service, which also includes 150 megabytes of encrypted storage space, recommended for financial information.

"In the encrypted portion of your account you can give them access to your banking, brokerage, hidden valuables and powers of attorneys," the site says. There won't be any bodies, so probate court will take seven years to clear your assets to your next of kin. Seven years, of course, is all the time that will be left," it explains. "So, basically the Government of the Antichrist gets your stuff, unless you make it available in another way."

Well there you have it. For a mere $40 your unsaved family and/or friends will have access to important documents should you ascend into heaven. A veritable bargain I’m sure!