More end times protection

Terrified by tsunamis or terrorism? Petrified by pole shift, pestilence or Planet X? If Anarchy gives you angst then US company Vivos may have the answer!

With a helpful countdown to 21 December 2012 on the site it offers deliverance from disaster… but at a price (naturally!)

According to the Independent Vivos has allegedly built 300,000sq ft of bunker space in the US and claims to have 5,000 Americans on its books. Though Europeans have traditionally been more reluctant to buy into the impending apocalypse, he believes the explosion in London's population of high-net-worth individuals has left the British market ripe for exploitation.

Robert Vicino, the founder of Vivos, which is building a "survival network" of upscale underground bunkers across the United States, will travel to London this week to announce the opening of his firm's first nuclear-bomb-and-asteroid-proof property in Europe.

It is understood that the bumker will be in a former military facility, though its exact location, like all Vivos bunkers, is secret (after all you can’t let the oiks in, can you?)

All well and good but part ownership of one of the Vivos bunkers costs $50,000 (£32,000) per adult, and $25,000 for each child. Nonetheless, Vicino calims:

"People have life insurance. We are selling something better: life assurance," he said. "Our places can survive a 50 megatonne blast 10 miles away; they can be submerged to a depth of 500ft, they can survive shockwaves, and electromagnetic pulses. They have medical facilities, libraries, security offices, gymnasiums, even prisons."

Well it does sound rather better appointed than the former Government bunker at Kelvedon Hatch (now a tourist attraction) but to be honest I am not scared of nuclear war megatsunamis or big asteroids (as if a bunker would be safe from one of those!). If Vivos could vouchsafe against the great mutant star goat that is going to devour us like it devoured the planet Golgafrinchon then I would cheerfully part with my $50k!

In the meantime I will stick to my towel and a book that says “Don’t Panic” in large friendly lettering!

The end is nigher than we thought

Don’t worry about 2012, we won’t last that long if Maria Exley of Colorado Springs is to be believed.

According the Colorado Springs Gazette she is convinced that the end of the world will come next year. So strong is her conviction that she’s paid $1,200 to buy advertising space on 10 Springs bus benches through October to get the word out. The ad says, “Save the Date! Return of Christ: May 21, 2011, WeCanKnow.com.”

Exley got the idea for the ads from listening to Family Radio, a Christian broadcast hosted by controversial Christian leader Harold Camping. Camping predicts Christ will return on the date in Exley’s advertisement. Listeners in other states have also purchased outdoor ad space to proclaim the date.

The ads are written and designed by the creators of WeCanKnow.com, an Ohio-based web site devoted to reminding people of Christ’s return. “We hope it raises awareness and sends people to their Bible,” said Robert Dunham, spokesman for WeCanKnow.com.

“Time is running out, but there is still time for salvation.”

Well that’s me convinced. Henceforth I will abjure my sinful ways. No more frottage, felching or other foul fornication for me. No more strong liquor, swearing or sinful thoughts. From now on it’s prayer and penance all the way.... Ah fuck it I’ll stay damned!

In case of the Rapture....

According to Fox News a new website has been set up so that people swept up to heaven in the Rapture can send e-mails to loved ones left behind on Earth.

YouveBeenLeftBehind.com promises to alert up to 62 people exactly six days after the event that, according to the Bible, signals the beginning of Armageddon, "You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ," the site promoting the service says.

Final e-mails from vanished subscribers will be triggered when three of the site's five Christian staffers fail to log in for six days in a row. The site, the brainchild of Mark Heard, charges $40 a year for the service, which also includes 150 megabytes of encrypted storage space, recommended for financial information.

"In the encrypted portion of your account you can give them access to your banking, brokerage, hidden valuables and powers of attorneys," the site says. There won't be any bodies, so probate court will take seven years to clear your assets to your next of kin. Seven years, of course, is all the time that will be left," it explains. "So, basically the Government of the Antichrist gets your stuff, unless you make it available in another way."

Well there you have it. For a mere $40 your unsaved family and/or friends will have access to important documents should you ascend into heaven. A veritable bargain I’m sure!

Hmm Almost 8pm and no sign of Armageddon although it did look a bit overcast earlier on. Still Early doors - It's still just morning in LA and earlier still in Honolulu....