01 October 2008

Is this the worst poem ever written?

WW Follows

I've posted some wonderfully awful poetry on the Poor Mouth. Most of it is gloriously bad (Dear William Topaz McG, for example) or risible (The idiotic fawning of DPRK groupies such as Dermot Hudson) but this is truly, truly dreadful.

This was written by Theophile Marzials in 1874. Enjoy!

A Tragedy

The barges down in the river flop.
Flop, plop.
Above, beneath.
From the slimy branches the grey drips drop,
As they scraggle black on the thin grey sky,
Where the black cloud rack-hackles drizzle and fly
To the oozy waters, that lounge and flop
On the black scrag piles, where the loose cords plop,
As the raw wind whines in the thin tree-top.
Plop, plop.
And scudding by
The boatmen call out hoy! and hey!
All is running water and sky,
And my head shrieks – "Stop,"
And my heart shrieks – "Die."
My thought is running out of my head;
My love is running out of my heart,
My soul runs after, and leaves me as dead,
For my life runs after to catch them -- and fled
They all are every one! – and I stand, and start,
At the water that oozes up, plop and plop,
On the barges that flop
And dizzy me dead.I might reel and drop.
And the shrill wind whines in the thin tree-top
Flop, plop.
A curse on him.
Ugh! yet I knew – I knew --
If a woman is false can a friend be true?
It was only a lie from beginning to end --
My Devil – My "Friend"
I had trusted the whole of my living to!
Ugh; and I knew!
So what do I care,
And my head is empty as air --
I can do,
I can dare,
(Plop, plop
The barges flop
Drip drop.)
I can dare! I can dare!
And let myself all run away with my head
And stop.
Plop, flop.

Gah I need to lie down now!


Sean Jeating said...

A masterpiece. He knew how to express the profoundest thought in the simplest way.

beakerkin said...

No I am sure if you look at some commercial jingles such as the Alka Seltzer jingle you will find much worse examples.

jams o donnell said...

AH I'm not so sure Sean!

Perhaps a lot of ad creatives are frustrated artists and are venting their spleen on all of us Beakerkin!

Sean Jeating said...

Ha ha ha, should I have added a smiley? :)

Anonymous said...

I have written worse you know...

Anonymous said...

See, see the dead and vapid blogsite flail about
Marvel at its vomit-coloured geek's lay-out.
And lack of content! Tell me, blogger, does it cause you
To wonder why the blogosphere ignores you?

Why their feeble stare makes you feel off-stage?
I can tell you : E'en your shag is
Worried by your whifflesnaffig faecial page
That looks like an aborted haggis.

What's more, the blogosphere sure knows
Your futt-grunting blog smells of peigh, or pee or 22/7
Rotting under the big dead sky.
It ars*k*s* "Why,
Why do you even bother? You couldn't charm a Tellurium-breather's nose!"

jams o donnell said...

Haha Sean!

That's a challenge Mutley!

Yegods Stu!

kellie said...

Hey, it takes a lot of, uh, inspiration to write like that.

jams o donnell said...

With help from brother bung I see!

sweetytots said...

LOL.. tnx for dropping by miste for my ww!.sweet..pretty..naughty
Memory Filled
Sweety tots

jmb said...

So why are you torturing us and yourself Jams? Did someone give you a book of very,very bad verse?

Reading this gave me a headache, I wonder what it means exactly.

jams o donnell said...

Yw Architect!

Ah it gives me pleasure jmb... I must have a masochistic streak. or should that be sadistic, given that I inflict them on other people too!

James Higham said...

That's indeed a contender but there is some monstrosity called "snowy, flowy, blowy" or whatever, about the seasons, which sticks in my mind like food between the back teeth.

jams o donnell said...

Ach those rhymes make it sound awful. If you remember the tilte let me know!