And one of the terrible Eurovision songs

S.A.G.A.P.O by Michaelis Rakintzis. There are plenty of worse songs, but the silly dress and the terrible choreography make it a contender for the bottom!

The greatest Eurovision song Ireland never had

It being Eurovision Song Contest night here is My Lovely Horse from Father Ted, the second greatest sitcom ever created (Blackadder being the greatest of course)

Also...

Arch Enemy will not be representing Sweden



Corvus Corax will not be representing Germany



Laibach will not be representing Slovenia



Las Ketchup will not represent Spain.. Wait a minute they did a few years ago... Hiho

Tonight Is Eurovision night

None of the following bands wikl be representing the UK:

Azeri security forces flush out Eurovision traitors

The right choice

Security forces in Azerbaijan have launched a campaign against the dozens of citizens who committed high treason by voting for the Armenian entry in this year's Eurovision Song Contest.

To say that there is no love lost between the two nations is a little like saying Antarctica is a bit nippy. Folowing the 1990s war over Nagorno-Karabakh all borders between the two countries remain closed and tensions remain high.

According to the Independent Rovshan Nasirli, a resident of Azerbaijan's capital Baku, was one of 43 people in the country to vote for Armenia's entry "Jan-Jan", sung by the duo Inga and Anush. He told Radio Liberty that he had been summoned to the country's national security ministry last week to explain himself.

"They wanted an explanation for why I voted for Armenia. They said it was a matter of national security," said Mr Nasirli, who voted by text message. "They were trying to put psychological pressure on me, saying things like, 'You have no sense of ethnic pride. How come you voted for Armenia?' They made me write out an explanation, and then they let me go."

Boy have you made a mistake

Luckily for Mr Nasirli, he had a cast-iron excuse for voting for Inga and Anush. He didn't like the Azerbaijani entry, which featured an Iranian singer based in Sweden, and voted for Armenia because the song actually sounded "more Azeri"

Hmm now there’s surveillance technology put to good use I don’t think. As for getting irate over who votes for who in the Eurovision, if there is a grain of truth in this story, the Azerbaijan government should find some greater threat to national security like the evil bastards who step on the cracks on pavements.

This is an extreme example of what makes me loathe nationalism.

Eurosong 2009

Ah well another year and another Eurovision. A totally forgettable song from Norway won (nothing new there), the UK entry actually obtained a few points. Sadly there were few songs that were in any way remarkable (in their badness of course). Here are a few of the highlights... or should that be lowlights?



Armenia



Moldova



Ukraine



Alas not even the presence of Dita von Teese could prevent the German entry from bombing

It's Eurovision Song Contest time!

The social highlight of the year comes around again. Beer will be consumed, laughs will be had and there will be jeering at the fixed voting.... We can be fairly sure that NONE of the following will be contestants:



Arch Enemy - Sweden



Sparks-= USA but could represent anyone



Laibach - Slovenia



However some famous singers did do a Eurovision entry early in their careers and went on to better things, particularly Ofra Haza (and Celine Dion too, sadly).

Spain raises the Eurovision stakes

Spain has risen to the Eurovision challenge laid down by Dustin the Turkey and chosen a reggae-rapper with a grotesquely inflated toupee and a minuscule plastic guitar to represent the nation. Rodolfo Chikilicuatre’s "Baila el chiki chiki" (Dance the chiki chiki) romped home in a televised contest watched by two million Spanish fans who voted by text and email.

The Elvis-parodying performer, flanked by two cheesy dancers, has had to remove mocking references to Spain's recently re-elected Prime Minister, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, his conservative opponent Mariano Rajoy, and the Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, to meet Eurovision rules that ban songs with any political content. But the names Jose Luis and Mariano survive, along with Chikilicuatre's grandmother, his nephew and "my mulatta waving her knickers in her hand", who like to "dance the chiki chiki".

Unfortunately many Spaniards take Eurovision seriously: "State television is irresponsible to let Spain be associated in Europe with Chikilicuatre," lamented El Mundo, whose editor called upon Spanish television's director Luis Fernandez to answer before a parliamentary committee for the damage caused to Spain's image. El Pais newspaper commented: "His humorous fabrication sums up the grubbiest of so-called popular music... the painful rubbish Spain has taken to Eurovision in the last 20 years. Let's see if our contribution blows up this deplorable festival of sequins and grinning presenters. We wish him luck."

Chikilicuatre is comedy actor, David Fernandez, 38. His act's all-but-meaningless lyrics and tacky image is the brainchild of the singer-songwriter Pedro Guerra and the comic actor and film director Santiago Segura.

Go Dustin!

Dustin the Turkey has been chosen to represent Ireland at the Eurovision Song Contest in Belgrade in May. He won Eurosong 2008 with his song 'Irelande Douze Pointe'.

Dustin will now compete in the first Eurovision semi-final on Tuesday 20 May. If successful he will appear in the final on Saturday 24 May. Bookmakers William Hill have installed Dustin the Turkey as the 10-1 favourite to win Eurovision.

The company's spokesman, Tony Kenny, said: "These days you have to be either from the old Eastern Bloc or have a great gimmick to win Eurovision - and a singing turkey will possibly be one of the most bizarre things that a Eurovision audience will ever see. He'll go to Belgrade on a wing and a prayer and, fingers crossed, he'll ruffle a few feathers when he gets there,"

Here's the song -

GO Dustin. He'll be getting my vote!

Train wreck tv

It was Eurovision song contest time last night. Beers were drunk, tv was watched, cringeworthy songs were sung. the British entry came second from last - only Ireland did worse (and with good reason - the song was pretty dire)



I did say it was pretty dire...



The hot favourite to win was Ukraine's Vera Serdyuchka, the bastard hellspwan of Dame Edna and Elton John...(or the hellspawn of Sue Pollard and Timmy Mallet!) In the end the song came second



Possibly the most interesting song in the contest was Water by Elitsa and Stoyan, the Bulgarian entry. I think it came 6th or 7th. It did far better than the Swedish entry which I thought would be among the most successful



Okay so Ark had obviously been listening to Edison Lighthouse but I thought it had all the ingredients to go far.... In the end Eurovision 2007 was won by Serbia



So Marija Serifovic is now officially the greatest artist in Europe.... (how can I say that with a straight face???). If you are so inclined check out the official Eurovision website.