16 July 2007

Boris throws his hat into the ring

Following considerable speculation (and some mirth) Boris Johnson (featured left with his press secretary and campaign coordinator) has confirmed that he will seek to become the Tory candidate for London mayor. If selected he will face Ken Livingstone who is looking for a third term as mayor

Mr Johnson, speaking to reporters described London as "Here we are, in one of the most depressed towns in Southern England, a place that is arguably too full of drugs, obesity, underachievement and Labour MPs.". Sorry that was him writing about Portsmouth in April.. What he said actually said that it was "fantastic city" and that being mayor would be a "wonderful chance to serve London".

He added: "I have been overwhelmed by the support I have received from so many people across London.London is an outstandingly varied and beautiful place and it deserves a proper debate. I want to bring fresh ideas to the capital and offer a new direction for Londoners, besides if you vote Tory it will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.” (well he didn't say that last thing then but, what the hell!)

Private Eye editor Ian Hislop, with whom the Johnson has appeared on Have I Got News For You, said: "It's good news for comedy, if not for London. "I just think it'll make life much more interesting."

I must admit I find Johnson occasionally funny but most of the time I just want to grasp him warmly by the throat. I don’t care for Livingstone, I have never have cared for him but I don’t think he’ll worry too much from a Johnson challenge.

Meme time.

Both Shaz at Us Danes & Our Family and Alison at Eleanorblog both tagged me for this meme a while back. I thought I had posted this but it was still showing as a drat. Sorry Shaz, sorry Alison!

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1. Daddy Forever
2. The Ice Box
3. The Buzz Queen
4. Us Danes & Our Family Eleanorblog
5. The Poor Mouth

Next select five people to tag: I'll have to think about that but ll come back to it
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Then answer the following questions:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

10 years ago, I had more hair, less weight but I was doing much the same as I am doing now... that is to say much the same except I was at a lower grade at work, I din't have a computer, was only vaguely aware of the internet and I was still wearing glasses instead of contact lenses (my eyesight hadn't deteriorated to the point where I needed lenses). The not-wife's Dorian Gray type picture was younger too!


What were you doing 1 year ago?

A year ago we had just had the crappy artex cieling and the walls in our living room skimmed. It got paineted, new lights and some new furniture were bought, But then we have done nothing. In all other respects life has changed very little over the course of one year.


Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Green & Blacks milk chocolate (not only Fair trade but with just the right cocoa content for my liking)
2. A bag of seedless grapes and a bag of cashew nuts
3. Rich Tea biscuits
4. Bounty bars (for when I want something very sweet)
5. toasted pine nuts

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. Prudent investments to ensure ongoing comfort (but not opulence)
2. Pay something back to the world through charitable work
3. A reasonable sized house with big garden. I want a place for an "evil garden" and a small stone circle.. I just want a small stone circle -not Avebury sized but a little one like Knocknakilla near Millstreet
4. A Hasselblad camera system
5. More books....



Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

1. Airscape by Robyn Hitchcock, my all time favourite song.
2. Quark, Strangeness and Charm by Hawkwind
3. Where's Captain Kirk by Spizz Energi
4. Holiday in Cambodia by the Dead Kennedys
5. So What? by the Anti Nowhere League but given its content I don't sing it in publice even when drunk!

Five bad habits:

1. Forgetting to switch off the oven
2. Leaving the toilet seat up
3. Biting my toenails
4. You don't want to know number four
5. You REALLY don't want to know number five!

Five things you like doing:

1. Photography
2. Reading
3. blogging
4. gardening
5. I'm male and have a healthy libido, work out number five for yourself!

Five things you would never wear again:

I'm not fashion conscious and like most other men I will happily weasr things I like until they fall apart or longer. There are some things though I will never wear again though

1. Yellow and black striped trousers.
2. Leather trousers (why the hell did I buy those)
3. Medium size t shirts (sighs)
4. Thong briefs (tried once and only once - Now I know why they are called crack flossers!)
5. Suspender belt and stockings (My legs are just too hairy and there is no way in hell that I am waxing them!)

Five favourite toys:

1. My SLR camera kit, including the macro lens and ring flash. Also the Infra red filter which I massively overuse.
2. MP3 player
3. My mobile phone - less for calls and text messages, nore for the fact I spend an inordinate time playing patience and hearts on it....
4. Blinky the yellow three-eyed fish who sits on top of my PC at work. Not only can I throw him when pissed off (and not do any damage) he is a wonderful marker in an open plan office. If someone wants to talk to me I just say "look for the yellow three eyed fish"
5. Buddy Christ - I'm not religious but I do lhaving a plastic Jesus on the dashboard of my car...
Cabinet Office minister Ed Miliband has started work on Labour's manifesto for the next general election. Apparently, he has been asked to prepare a draft document ahead of the party's annual conference in September.

Recent opinion polls indicate that Labour has once again taken a lead over the Tories fuelling speculation of a snap election.A poll in yesterday’s Sunday Telegraph puts Labour support on 40%, 7% ahead of the Tories.

A run of polls putting Labour well ahead and a desire on Brown’s behalf for his own electoral mandate may well mean an election this year. There’s no prospect of unseating Rosindell sadly....

15 July 2007

McGonigall v the Songun Poet

In a post yesterday I drew attention to the poetry of the British warrior of songun Dermot Hudson. His work can be compared in stature to that of the poet laureate Alfred Austin, Roger B, a naturalist, photographer and regular commenter on the Poor Mouth (and thus a splendid fellow) compared Hudson’s work to Scottish Victorian-era poet William McGonagall.


Born in 1825, William Topaz McGonigall did not discover his poetic talents until he was 25 years old His first poem, An Address to the Rev. George Gilfillan set. Rev. Gilfillan commented "Shakespeare never wrote anything like this." McGonagall is viewed as the worst poet ever to have written in the English language. Of his 200 works perhaps the worst is the Tay Bridge Disaster:

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers' hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

It is atrocious stuff but is it worse than songun? For all his ineptness McGonigall never waxed lyrical about an evil and brutal dictator as Hudson does. It’s a hard call but perhaps William Topaz can now hand over the baton.

If you wish to know more about McGonigall this site McGonigall online is an excellent place to start.

Havering tops national league

It is not often that the London Borough of Havering tops a national league but we have done it: the Council and residents have worked hard to ensure that we have the dirtiest streets in England!


A report published by the GMB union and based on information obtained by the Audit Commission shows that for the 2005/06 financial year, 44 per cent of the Borough's land or highways (all commercial, recreational, residential areas and all types of road) failed to meet acceptable litter guidelines.The Commission uses a scale of indicators from A to E to assess amounts of litter, and Havering had the most streets with a C or under - denoting areas with widespread rubbish or major accumulations of debris.


Our illustrious MP Andrew Rosindell expressed surprise "I have seen a lot worse in the country" he said before putting a positive spin on the findings : "it will remind the council that we need to keep on top of this problem" he added. This is a mercy: had the council been run by Labour then he would have demanded that the leaders be strung up by their testicles out.side the Town Hall...


Clearly our council does not put in sufficient resources into street cleaning. Clearly too, we the residents of Havering live seem only too willing to live in our own filth.

14 July 2007

Thalictrum flowers

A Pome by Dermot Hudson (aged Twelve years and thirteen sixteenths)

(Scroll down for this week's Photo Hunt)

Writing in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, renowned Essex man Douglas Adams identified the worst poetry in the known universe. In third place is Vogon poetry. Bad as it was it paled in comparison to that of the Azgoths of Kria. It was fortunate that their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent was killed by his own intestine prior to a reading of his 12-book epic "My Favourite Bath time Gurgles". The very worst poetry of all was attributed to one Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge.

Writing in the late 70s DNA would not have been aware of Dermot Hudson’s celebration of Kin Kong Il and the final victory of the Songun revolution. If he had, then the poor Vogons would surely have lost their podium place.

For the purpose of ridicule his poem is set out in full here ( it was found on a Korean Solidarity website).


The thundering crack of gunshots still does echo
over Korea, not only there but over the whole wide world
even though 70 long years have passed and flowed away
decades so long yet so short

Gunshots ringing out heralded the
new dawn of liberation,of a new Korea bright and free,
of the glorious Songun revolution. Ever victorious iron-willed
brilliant commander, heroic patriotic partisan
the illustrious General Kim Il Sung fired
the shot that tore Jap imperialism into
a million and one pieces

Oh worthy warrior of Mt Paekdu
leading the stout hearted partisans of
the mighty KPRA to shatter the chains
of Japanese imperialism, shock brigade of
world fascism, to dispatch
the murderous Japs to their doom

The flames of revolution burned brightly
at Pochonbo that night consuming
the oppression of Japanese imperialism
The crack of gunshots and roar
of flames merge into a mighty
thunderous sound of the Songun revolution

The banner of Pochonbo is today
raised ever higher, the echoes of gunshots
at Pochonbo reverberating ever loudly
signalling the final victory of the
Songun revolution

I would imagine that Hudson does not support the Monarchy. This is merciful as I get the feeling that there is little prospect of him becoming the next Poet Laureate or even deposing Andrew Motion. Then again the position has been filled by the likes of Alfred Austin who is best remembered for these lines in a poem concerning an illness of the Prince of Wales:

"Across the wires the electric message came: He is no better, he is much the same."

Perhaps there is hope for England’s champion of Juche after all!

The Blades suffer another defeat

Sheffield United’s slim hope of remaining in the Premiership next season have been dashed. The Blades have been refused leave to appeal against the Premier League arbitration panel's decision to fine West Ham £5.5m over the Carlos Tevez (left) and Javier Mascherano transfers but not dock points. An arbitration panel had already upheld the original decision not to dock West Ham

Blades chairman Kevin McCabe "I firmly believe along with many others that (Sheffield) United were unfairly relegated, but that it has been difficult to probe the legal community." The Hammers were found guilty of acting improperly and withholding vital documentation over Tevez and Mascherano's ownership on 27 April and fined £5.5m. When they were registered as players, West Ham failed to disclose that they had entered into an agreement with third-party companies.


A couple of months away from the end of the season I doubt anyone would have cared if West Ham were docked points or not as relegation seemed certain - The Hammers were 10 pints adrift from safety with no realistic prospect of getting the wins needed to make the difference. Amazingly they did get the wins and sealed their premiership place with an away win over Man Utd.


In my view we got off lightly by having points deducted so I do feel sort of sorry for the Blades.On the other hand our season ended on a high note while theirs was marked by defeat by Wigan another side doing their best to avoid relegation. A drop to the Championship is expensive (they will lose millions form broadcasting fees) but I doubt further legal action will bring them an extra penny.

Photo Hunt - Shadow

Shadow is the theme of this week's Photo Hunt. so here goes:




1. This is a photo of a chimney on a building near Temple station. Note the complete absence of shadows. A poor effort for this week's photo hunt


2. This is another example of a photo that features no shadows whatosever but is quite contrasty. I'm not doing that well, am I?


3. This building near Cannon Street station features reflections but still no shadows. Try again

4. This ugly blob is me taking a photo of a shadow. At last a shadow.. wasn't worth it eh?

13 July 2007

Look, Listen and Take Heed - Women Know Your Limits!



Harry Enfield could always be hit and miss. This was one of his sketches that the not-wife and particularly enjoyed.