29 August 2010

More end times protection



Terrified by tsunamis or terrorism? Petrified by pole shift, pestilence or Planet X? If Anarchy gives you angst then US company Vivos may have the answer!

With a helpful countdown to 21 December 2012 on the site it offers deliverance from disaster… but at a price (naturally!)

According to the Independent Vivos has allegedly built 300,000sq ft of bunker space in the US and claims to have 5,000 Americans on its books. Though Europeans have traditionally been more reluctant to buy into the impending apocalypse, he believes the explosion in London's population of high-net-worth individuals has left the British market ripe for exploitation.

Robert Vicino, the founder of Vivos, which is building a "survival network" of upscale underground bunkers across the United States, will travel to London this week to announce the opening of his firm's first nuclear-bomb-and-asteroid-proof property in Europe.

It is understood that the bumker will be in a former military facility, though its exact location, like all Vivos bunkers, is secret (after all you can’t let the oiks in, can you?)

All well and good but part ownership of one of the Vivos bunkers costs $50,000 (£32,000) per adult, and $25,000 for each child. Nonetheless, Vicino calims:

"People have life insurance. We are selling something better: life assurance," he said. "Our places can survive a 50 megatonne blast 10 miles away; they can be submerged to a depth of 500ft, they can survive shockwaves, and electromagnetic pulses. They have medical facilities, libraries, security offices, gymnasiums, even prisons."

Well it does sound rather better appointed than the former Government bunker at Kelvedon Hatch (now a tourist attraction) but to be honest I am not scared of nuclear war megatsunamis or big asteroids (as if a bunker would be safe from one of those!). If Vivos could vouchsafe against the great mutant star goat that is going to devour us like it devoured the planet Golgafrinchon then I would cheerfully part with my $50k!

In the meantime I will stick to my towel and a book that says “Don’t Panic” in large friendly lettering!

15 comments:

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Just what I need!

jams o donnell said...

Ah you are afeared of the mutant space goat to Welshcakes?

Ruth said...

I would feel rather hard done by the pricing. It says "$50,000 per adult, and $25,000 for each child". How do they define a child? My 13 year old is already taller than I am and probably takes up more space!
I demand a rebate :-)

Ruth said...

...also, I'm only 9 st 7lbs ....... would I have to pay the same as some 20st bloke (or woman - not being sexist)?

Pagan Sphinx said...

Sooner or later, everyone would eventually have to deal with the rubble, which includes the rest of us who can't afford this! ;-)

jams o donnell said...

Ah Ruth, perhaps it;s worth trying for a discount!

That;s true Sphinx, What will be left will not be worth hiding out for.

Claude said...

I'm not sure I would want to survive catastrophic times in the company of people who will want to buy those shelters. Bet you they are boring to death, afraid of everything and hypochondriac. Unless Welshcakes and Ruth get in the same shelter with me. Then I would bring French wine and we could celebrate (or cry) together.

jams o donnell said...

True but dont forget the Icewine. you need something sweet to go with a desert too!

SnoopyTheGoon said...

What do you mean by "part ownership". Is it like a time sharing system?

Anyway, it will be interesting to see the IQ distribution of the clients ;-)

Ann said...

In Singapore, all new apartments have their own bomb shelters. Just hope they never have to use them.

jams o donnell said...

Hmm come the apocalypse you get two weeks in the shelter.. Perhaps not! Looking that the site I am sure that most of them have more money than sense

Knatolee said...

I'd rather go out with a bang than live in a bunker with a bunch of paranoid Americans!

jams o donnell said...

Haha Knatolee! Perhaps a few hens would calm them

Mojo said...

No place for the claustrophobic I'd say. I'll take my chances.

Besides, as someone else already pointed out I'd hate to survive a nuclear holocaust only to be bored to death. It'd be like everyone left in the world was my mother -- hypochondria and all.

Can't imagine a more perfect Hell.

jams o donnell said...

I can imagine it would be proof positive that Hell truly is other people!