16 August 2011

At last some important news

After all this fluff about phone hacking, economic crises, a right wing lunatic running amok in Norway and riots on our strets, it is heartening to see that the Independent has undertaken some real journalism.

After literally seconds reading some mag or site called Bang Showbiz the Indy can report that  the rich bitch worthless waste of space Paris Hilton has lost two of her iPhones.


The single-digit IQ mouth breather discovered that they were missing when she arrived at Ninoy Aquino International Airport in the Philippines last night, but officials believe the communications devices were missing before she arrived in the country.

The clueless oxygen waster is in the Philippines to work on a new venture, partnering with Century Properties to become to official ambassador for their Azure Urban Resort Residences in Manila and to design their Clubhouse.

The media whore’s PR team said: "I look forward to working with Century Properties and feel confident that despite a complete lack of talent or architectural experience I will develop an amazing and aspirational destination for people as equally worthless as I am. I look forward to raking in a shit load of cash for doing absolutely sod all. I will then personally take a huge shit on the next ten common people I meet”

Reuters reports that at least 37 people committed suicide when they heard the news of Hilton’s loss. Meanwhile in an unrelated development it is believed that her recently sacked PR team is currently receiving waterboard treatment in a Cuban “resort”.


Francis Sedgemore said...

Am I correct in thinking that you do not hold this socialist Hilton woman in particularly high regard? Also, is the Indescribable correct in referring to the iPhone as a "communications device"?

Steve Hayes said...

Why did they not report that Tshwane Sheraton, while visiting the formerly independent homeland of Baptetikosweti to open a new casino, lost not merely two iPhones, but an iPad as well.

Jane said...

I am surprised she lost her phones I always assumed she had someone to carry them around for her, ah yes another myth shattered, where will it all end, next you will be telling me she has to do her own community service

jams o donnell said...

What gave you that impression Francis? I think it took several weeks to say communications devices!

The horrror, the HORROR, Steve!

heaven forfend she does her own community service. I am sure she has a PA for that Jane!

SnoopyTheGoon said...

A windbag lost a cell phone? Wow, that's first page material for sure.

jams o donnell said...

It needs 24 hour coverage for a month!