The title of this blog comes from a Gaelic expression -"putting on the poor mouth"-which means to exaggerate the direness of one's situation in order to gain time or favour from creditors.
25 March 2011
Tired out after a hard day's evil
22 comments:
Ted's Lawyer
said...
That's it. Enough is enough. You are getting sued for libel, slander, defamation of character and invasion of privacy. No more pussy nice cat.
Oh, and I forgot... Although it is hard to believe you could perpetrate such evil, apparently you arranged for my client's balls to be cut off some years ago. In addition to the legal case about to begin you can expect appropriate retribution from sharp claws, soon... Sleep well...
Pah, Ted knows full well that he is a one cat axis of evil, something that gives him extreme pride.
I am surprised he has gotten a lawyer, or that any lawyer would work for him given the fat of the last seven to approach him... All that was left of them was an appreciative belch.
I can appreciate being fat may have caused them to belch but I am not sure of the relevance of their fatness to the matter in hand. For your sake I hope you can make more sense than this in court.
All I am trying to do is warn you to be very careful in your dealings with Ted. In the years he has graced us with his presence 38 pitbulls, 77 dobermans, 11 Jehovah's witnesses and no less than 237 double glazing salesmen have gone missing in Corkadoragha. The lawyers were probably just a light snack for Ted.
Ted says he is being framed and that you are in denial about your terrible crimes. We can forgive you the 11 Jehovah's Witnesses though, as would any fair-minded judge and jury, I'm sure. Mind you, my little cat TinksyWinksy hasn't been seen since Ted's first visit to the office... and my front carpet has been shredded... Maybe we could settle out of court? One fine snap of Ted looking magnificently sweet and innocent and the matter is closed.
And my tropical fish collection in the reception... all gone!! Apart from a few backbones... Don't let that evil bastard cat Ted anywhere near my office ever again! Or I'll sue you.
Ted's tummy is just begging for a tickle there, isn't it? You said Boris liked a tickle so surely Ted will love a big rough tickle too. Dare you? Metal mesh gloves required?
A plan forms: Ted, dropped by parachute, near Gadaffi's compound in Tripoli... If the UN offer him salmon dinners for life it could all be over by the weekend.
22 comments:
That's it. Enough is enough. You are getting sued for libel, slander, defamation of character and invasion of privacy. No more pussy nice cat.
Oh, and I forgot... Although it is hard to believe you could perpetrate such evil, apparently you arranged for my client's balls to be cut off some years ago. In addition to the legal case about to begin you can expect appropriate retribution from sharp claws, soon... Sleep well...
Pah, Ted knows full well that he is a one cat axis of evil, something that gives him extreme pride.
I am surprised he has gotten a lawyer, or that any lawyer would work for him given the fat of the last seven to approach him... All that was left of them was an appreciative belch.
"the fat of the last seven"?
I can appreciate being fat may have caused them to belch but I am not sure of the relevance of their fatness to the matter in hand. For your sake I hope you can make more sense than this in court.
All I am trying to do is warn you to be very careful in your dealings with Ted. In the years he has graced us with his presence 38 pitbulls, 77 dobermans, 11 Jehovah's witnesses and no less than 237 double glazing salesmen have gone missing in Corkadoragha. The lawyers were probably just a light snack for Ted.
Ted says he is being framed and that you are in denial about your terrible crimes. We can forgive you the 11 Jehovah's Witnesses though, as would any fair-minded judge and jury, I'm sure. Mind you, my little cat TinksyWinksy hasn't been seen since Ted's first visit to the office... and my front carpet has been shredded... Maybe we could settle out of court? One fine snap of Ted looking magnificently sweet and innocent and the matter is closed.
It is strange that Ted would now deny the crimes that he has freely admitted to in the past.
In fact his book "I am the Romford Ripper" sold 350,000 copies topping bestsellers lists in the UK, the US, France, Botswana, Finland and Bhutan.
Sad;y he blew his earnings on catnip and Whiskas
h Ted says that Tinksy Winksy ran off to join the Foreign Legion
And my tropical fish collection in the reception... all gone!! Apart from a few backbones... Don't let that evil bastard cat Ted anywhere near my office ever again! Or I'll sue you.
You had a lucky break Mr Lawyer. Be thankful you are not counting your limbs and finding three or fewer...
It is unlikely that Ted will darken your doors again. Your fish gave him indigestion
Ted's tummy is just begging for a tickle there, isn't it? You said Boris liked a tickle so surely Ted will love a big rough tickle too. Dare you? Metal mesh gloves required?
Something that should only ever be done wearing a special pair of gloves made out of composite armour. I get mine made by army.
I may need to upgrade now that Ted has armed his claws with depleted uranium
A plan forms: Ted, dropped by parachute, near Gadaffi's compound in Tripoli... If the UN offer him salmon dinners for life it could all be over by the weekend.
With enough salmon on the table I think Ted would gladly gun for Ghaddafi
Take all the rest you need ;)
You are looking so adorable !!!!!
Hugs and enjoy your week-end
Kareltje =^.^= ♥ Betsie >^.^<
Thanks Anya. In reality he can be a real sweetie... sometimes!
For Ted to be that close to the heater, it must have been a cold day in hell ....
Haha Bryan! Sometimes even the flames of Hell are just not warm enough for Stan's Little Helper!
You work that cat too hard!!!
Indeed we work his paws to the bone concocting evil plans!
Adorable! Ted looks like he enjoys himself. I sure hope his lawyer never contacts my cats:)
Ah no fear of that. To Ted a lawyer us a snack!
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