03 January 2012

A dose of Mailenarianism

The Daily Mail exists to scare the shit out of a couple of million masochists, err I mean readers, with lurid tales about  paedophile-marxist-nazis banning Christmas, Easter eggs and the baby Jesus and cucumbers causing cancer... and  so on and so forth.

Yesterday the Mail was on top form with an article titled Is a super-volcano just 390 miles from London about to erupt?

A sleeping super-volcano in Germany is showing worrying signs of waking up.  It's lurking just 390 miles away underneath the tranquil Laacher See lake near Bonn and is capable of ejecting billions of tons of magma.

This monster erupts every 10 to 12,000 years and last went off 12,900 years ago, so it could blow at any time. It covered 620 square miles of land with ash and rocks and several small earthquakes in the region last year indicate that it could be awakening from its deep sleep.

It’s thought that the volcano is similar in size and power to Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines, which blew in 1991 and became the biggest eruption of the 20th century. It ejected 10 billion tons of magma, 20 billion tons of sulphur dioxide 16 cubic kilometres of ash and caused a 0.5C drop in global temperatures.

Volcanologists believe that the Laacher See volcano is still active as carbon dioxide is bubbling up to the lake’s surface, which indicates that the magma chamber below is 'degassing'.

Well there you have it. If domination of the Euro won't bring Europe to its knees then those devilish Huns have a dastardly Plan B! 

While the story is not totally ludicrous - the Laacher See is part of a potentially active volcanic region, the Vulkan Eifel, and it did erupt 12,900 years ago with an estimated  power somewhere similar to that of Mount Pinatubo (level 6 on the Volcanic Explosivity Index) but to initmate that it is ready to engulf large areas of Northern Europe in volcanic ash is just moonshine.

If one wishes to be scared by volcanic activity in mainland Europe, I would remain just a little more fearful for the people of Naples than we hardy souls who eke out existences  in  London....

I wonder what other scare stories the Mail and the rest of the press will have for us in 2012? Another Storegga slide to engulf the eastern coast of Britain or perhaps a hypercane in Hunstanton? I wait with interest....

NB Mailenarianism is a subset of millenarianism in which the earth is purged of the unworthy and ungodly in a terrible and bloody end time. Afterwards 144,000 true Tory believers will establish the New Kingdom on earth in the name of  Blessed Trinity of Margaret Thatcher (PBUH), Milton Friedman and Friedrich Hayek .


Anonymous said...

I do sometimes ponder the Storegga slide threat, especially when in Perth, Dundee or Edinburgh. It'll come in one day, I expect. Hopefully I'll be safe and snug in the top floor cafe of the St James Centre Edinburgh, from where the photography opportunities may be spectacular. If I'm down the road in the Old Chain Pier Bar at Newhaven (an old haunt) it'll all be over for me very quick.

The Yellowstone National Park supervolcano is another one to ponder, plus the unstable side of an Atlantic island (is it Tenerife?) that may swamp the US Eastern seaboard when it goes.

Then there are those postulated ripples in spacetime travelling at light speed that may rip us apart before we even know that we are in trouble, plus the boring old rogue asteroid threat.

Add to all that the usual dangers of everyday life, ie the wrath of God, the devilment of the Devil and the E.coli on every commercial chef's hands, and the chances of a good New Year are beginning to look very slim indeed.

jams o donnell said...

Ah if we can make it to 22 December then we will be doing well Andrew!

susan said...

Whenever I see that a link goes to the Daily Mail I tend not to click on it. However, the evidence seems to indicate that people enjoy those little shivers mass oblivion stories produce.

jams o donnell said...

Ah nothing like a bit of panic Susan!

Steve Bates said...

Naples? So that's why the saying is NOT "See London and die"?

It's been 33 years since I was in Europe, and I only touched down briefly in London on my way to and from a summer music teaching job in Austria. You may not... absolutely not... let anything happen to your fair city until I have an opportunity to return for a bit of genuine exploration!

jams o donnell said...

We will make sure it is still there for you Steve!

Sean Jeating said...

Some millennia ago, where now is London, was a djungle in which lived verrry wild animals.
It is proved by scientists!!

Foretelling is not easy, especially when it's concerning the future.

As the word verification is 'spine': Does anyone think, Daily Mail hacks do have one?

jams o donnell said...

We can't foresee the future and it is possible that the Laachen See will erupt again but this is low grade scaremongering!