25 March 2009

James McIntyre - Prophet

James McIntyre was truly the bard of cheese. In a single stroke he disproved G K Chesterton's statement that "poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese". Not only did he laud cheese of all types he had an eye for the future of cheesemaking and in one poem he prophesied the creation of the greatest piece of curdled milk of all:

Prophecy of a Ten Ton Cheese

Who hath prophetic vision sees
In future times a ten ton cheese,
Several companies could join
To furnish curd for great combine
More honor far than making gun
Of mighty size and many a ton.

Machine it could be made with ease
That could turn this monster cheese,
The greatest honour to our land
Would be this orb of finest brand,
Three hundred curd they would need squeeze
For to make this mammoth cheese.

So British lands could confederate
Three hundred provinces in one state,
When all in harmony agrees
To be pressed in one like this cheese,
Then one skillful hand could acquire
Power to move British empire.

But various curds must be combined
And each factory their curd must grind,
To blend harmonious in one
This great cheese of mighty span,
And uniform in quality
A glorious reality.

But it will need a powerful press
This cheese queen to caress,
And a large extent of charms
Hoop will encircle in its arms,
And we do not now despair,
But we shall see it at world's fair.

And view the people all agog, so
Excited o'er it in Chicago,
To seek fresh conquests queen of cheese
She may sail across the seas,
Where she would meet reception grand
From the warm hearts in old England.

To my knowledge McIntyre's prophesy has not been fulfilled - one day, perhaps, one day...


A Doubtful Egg said...

This vast cheese is just what we need in these gloomy times...

Crushed said...

Quite surreal.

jams o donnell said...

It's wonderful isn't it?

Liz Hinds said...

For poetry of cheese what about 'Lovely bit of cheese this, Gromit.'

jams o donnell said...

It is a fine piece Liz!

Claude said...

I'm always so proud to claim McIntyre as a fellow Canadian, athough he's done more for cheese than for our literary reputation. We didn't take him too seriously until the whole world noticed him. Glad to say we honoured him before his death.

annalarssonphotography said...

Jams, I know you're found of poetry and stories..
I think you might like what I wrote about one hour ago - if you haven't read it already ofc.

I hope your leg feels a liiittle better tonight! :)


jams o donnell said...

He truly is a national treasure Claudia!

Thanks for the link Anna. A beautiful post

Sean Jeating said...

Oh, how do I admire
that James McIntyre.
And may I require,
I beg you, please!
the entire cheese -
to caress it with
my tender teeth.
[Mc Seangall]

jams o donnell said...

McSeanagall, please publish your works!

Sean Jeating said...

Ha, Jams, unlike me you did even spell the poor poet's name correctly. :)
Your kind request that I'll pass on to him will surely fill the poor poet's heart with joy; and - who know's? - it might give him the power to conquer his inner Mount Modesty.
After all, tomorrow's Poet's Day, isn't it? :)

jams o donnell said...

Please DO sean. Mt Modesty needs to be climbed. Alas for me I have nowhere to P*ss off early from what with the cast!