Tonight is the night of the Eurovision Song Contest, the televisual event when Europe shows it can comprehensively and utterly out-schlock the USA... 24 songs from 24 European nations will compete for the most coveted music prize of all...
It is ten years since Katrina and the Waves own for the UK with "Love, shine a light" - a song written by former Soft Boy Kimberley Rew. Will Scooch ensure that Music's coming home with "Flying the Flag?"
Can Finland retain the crown that was won in style by GWAR-a-likes (well sort of...) Lordi?
Can Israel's entry from Teapacks emulate Dana International's 1998 triumph?
Can Luxembourg find a winning combination to match the France Gall/Serge Gainsbourg victory in 1965?
Will Switzerland import another relatively unknown Canadian and help slingshot her to international fame? I bloody hope not!
Needless to say it's a load of utter crap but it's train wreck television and is thus oddly compelling!
I PROMISE THAT THIS WILL BE THE FIRST, LAST AND ONLY TIME CELINE DION WILL APPEAR ON THE POOR MOUTH