04 September 2007

Ancram calls for Tories to return to its dark heart.

Michael Ancram, former deputy leader of the Tory party under Iain Duncan Smith and Michael Howard, has issued a call for David Cameron to restore the party's "soul" by returning to core values. Returning from a short sabbatical as lecturer of metaphysical politics at Miskatonic University in Arkham Massachusetts, Mr Ancram stated the he wished henceforth to be known as Michael Alhazred, His recently document, The Necronomicon: a Blueprint for Victory, has been seen in some quarters as an attack on Cameron's drive to move the Conservatives into the political centre ground.


Some elements of the Tory right have been attracted to what they feel is the true spirit of Thatcherism. There has already been some support for his proposals for inner city regeneration: “...the lightings of Heaven poured down in stroked of livid and cleansing flame, and the great pillars fell, slowly, one by one, and all they who had come hither crushed in the falling of the great stones”. However, some more centrist conservatives consider his view that Cameron is “damned forever, and cannot even find forgetfulness in red howling madness” a trifle extreme.


Conservative Central Office has made no official comment on Mr Alhazred’s document except to reject a call for David Cameron to change his surname to Cthulhu “We do not feel that name would attract the centre ground”, a spokesman said.

11 comments:

Pisces Iscariot said...

haha - love it, unfortunately the dark heart was well and truly stolen from under the tory throne by one Tony Thatcher... um I mean Blair :)
The Tory party has been rendered a toothless vampire.

jams o donnell said...

Much as it pains me to say there was more than a bit of truth in the Tony Blair MP anagram "I'm Tory Plan B"

Roger B. said...

I heard two Tory twits on PM talking in glowing terms about Thatcher's wonderful transformation of Britain.

F***ing clueless!

jams o donnell said...

It wasn't that great a time to be here was it? The 80s sucked

Steve Bates said...

"The 80s sucked."

On this side of the pond, too. Remember who we had for most of the time you had Mrs. Thatcher. It's worse here now, but it was bad enough back then.

Roger B. said...

The only good thing to come out of the Thatcher/Reagan era was 'Spitting Image'.

jams o donnell said...

The era of red braces and conspicuous consumption Steve... Ugh! Sadly the noughties seem in many respects to be a return (sans red braces and shoulder pads though).

Now that was a highlight of the 80s Roger!

frolix22 said...

It always mystifies me the amount of people who look back on the Thatcher years with nostalgia. My face darkens when someone even mentions that woman's name.

jams o donnell said...

Among my friends there was a big dicision of opinion about Thatcher. Some wanted to dance on her grave, the rest wanted to piss on it!

frolix22 said...

Now isn't there a song by Elvis Costello along those lines?

jams o donnell said...

It could be frolix. I rarely have an original thought!