31 January 2011

A Philosophy Poetry Challenge -With great prizes!

I've decided that enough is enough: there are a number of intellectual pursuits that I simply can't get my head around: calculus and pholosophy are two that spring to mind imediately. While 'm sure that I can overcome my calculus block on my own I fear that there is no chance that I will ever be able to sit down and read the works of Schopenhauer, Hegel, Nietzsche or Lacan...

Gems of knowledge such as this by Lacan are a mystery to me: A geometry implies the heterogeneity of locus, namely that there is a locus of the Other. Regarding this locus of the Other, of one sex as Other, as absolute Other, what does the most recent development in topology allow us to posit?

Unless I can get my head around this I fear that the likes of Slavoj Zizek and Jacques Derrida will simply remain tedious pricks with no more relevance to the world than Jordan.

I therefore need help to overcome this block. Readers are therefore asked to explain philosophical concepts in verse form. All forms of verse are acceptable but the shorter the poem, the better - Haikus are particularly welcome!

There will of course be prizes for the best poems. The winner will receive a copy of the collected novels of Flann O'Brien. Second prize is the Third Policeman on audio book (read by the actor who played Bishop Brennan in Father Ted!).. Also up for grabs are three copies of the Poor Mouth (The novel that gave this blog its name)

All you need do is leave your poem as a comment... or poems, - you can enter as often as you like! . Closing date is 31 January

310 comments:

1 – 200 of 310   Newer›   Newest»
Claude said...

Just ONE entry?

Claude said...

I am therefore I think
Oink Oink Oink Oink
I think therefore I am
Bam Bam Bam Bam

Simple: we all babble
That's why there's such rabble.

Descartes,
T'es platte!

(Platte: boring)

James Higham said...

philosophical concepts in verse form

You like asking the easy ones, Jams, don't you? Now, how many decades do we have?

Gledwood said...

I think writing verse is a far more constructive use of one's time than pissing about doing crosswords etc. So become a poet ~ even if ya don't know it!

I used to write poetry about 20 years ago when i was a student. And do you know what? The best stuff was the least pretentious stuff. The worst stuff was what I myself thought of as "literary"...


... quelle surprise!!

HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR :-)

H. insciens said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
H. insciens said...

Philosophy?
Don't waste your time,
It'll never get you anywhere,
other than up your own anus,
or focused in on your navel.
The scientific method,
of following the evidence
may work better,
but only if our powers,
of analysis and reasoning,
are valid,
which is questionable.
Better just to have a beer,
or a cup of tea,
and accept you know nothing,
like me.

H. insciens said...

I changed my entry somewhat and deleted the first one. And I hope you agree that lines that neither rhyme nor scan can still be poems, in these days when a pile or bricks or a black square can count as art :)

(PS - word verification = "chant". OK, try chanting it if that helps :)

Claude said...

To Lacan (?????)

The heterogeneity of locus?
This sounds like hocus pocus!
You asked me to posit.
All you will get is shit.

H. insciens said...

Claude is in the lead, I concede.

Claude said...

I already won those prizes in the past. Keep going HomoHomer, you have a great chance.

jams o donnell said...

Excellent we are off to a flyer!

Be assured the prizes are genuine so keep on trying

H. insciens said...

Head off
into infinity
and you never reach the end
just like trying to get there
get anywhere
with philosophy

Claude said...

I know the prizes are genuine. I got one last year. Here's another try. This time, an haiku:

Pascal's Triangle
on my head
is a donkey hat.

(Pascal was also a philosopher, not just a mathematician.)

H. insciens said...

The concept of time
is all very fine
but nobody knows
why it runs in a line

The idea of space
created a race
but all that we found
was the Earth's really round

The concept of life
was explained to my wife
who went 'are you being funny?
just show me the money'

Philosophy matters
are best left to mad hatters
'cos i 'aint got a clue
and neither have you

[PS to Jams - can you consider that final verse as a concise entry all on its own please? It says it all really]

H. insciens said...

What am I?
Why am I here?
Philosophers ask
But I just drink beer

H. insciens said...

Explain infinity?
Where do I start?
Where do I end?
Read again...

H. insciens said...

The concept of love
explained in a hurry:
to a man it is sex
to a woman it's money

H. insciens said...

OK, that's enough for one day.

That wasn't an entry, by the way...

or was it?

Discuss...

Claude said...

When great Nietzsche sneezed
the whole world
rushed with a kleenex.

H. insciens said...

Something and nothing
is all you need
one and zero
and a USB lead

H. insciens said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Claude said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
H. insciens said...

Ooops :)

[You can count that as an entry too :)]

Claude said...

Sorry, Jams. I'm correcting a spelling mistake.

Schopenhauer said
a big O
which I blew in space.

H. insciens said...

People make mistakes
The Universe never does...
Apart from making people
who make mistakes...

H. insciens said...

That last one is too deep for me Claude. I think you may be moving this up a level... Hmmm... Let's see what I've got...

Claude said...

ZUT alors :)

(It's a philosophical entry!)

H. insciens said...

A circle of wagons
on a circular track
each pushing at the front
and pulling at the back
gives the appearance
of cause and effect
but it's just an illusion
of who knows what the heck?

H. insciens said...

"It's a philosophical entry!"

Oh! That will explain why it means nothing to me

(Ahhhh Vienna...It means nothing to me.... Vienna....)

H. insciens said...

Ref! Claude was swearing at me, and in French too! Send her off!

jams o donnell said...

Claude, H, Wonderful!

Claude and Insciens
discuss the meaning of life
My wisdom expands

H. insciens said...

Mind is just matter
having a natter

Claude said...

Jams, my haiku was 5/3/5. Looking at yours, I remember is 5/7/5. I'll try to do better.

Swearing is Okay
finding the meaning of life
Sweating is NO-NO

H. insciens said...

Scottish Philosophy:

Life?
Death?
Mind?
Matter?
Pish tae aw that
Here's a pint o' heavy
an' a Mars Bar in batter

[with apologies to David Hume]

Claude said...

Philosophie française:

Sartre et De Beauvoir
Se disaient bonsoir.
She whispered philosophy
bien serrée contre lui.

I would have told him, "Zut!
You won't learn it from me.
À la porte, mon ami
I don't need your old flûte"

jams o donnell said...

H, Claude BRAVO!

H. insciens said...

Jeez Claude, Ah'll hae tae gie ye Scots tae tak oan that...(it's the only other language I am reasonably fluent in. So, let's think...)

'Hae Jimmie,
Whit's it aw aboot?'
'Graw, hump, greet, deed
and mine's a pint, nae doot.'

Claude said...

This was great fun! I hope other people jump in.

H. insciens said...

'Hae Jimmie,
Whit's it aw aboot?'
'Graw, hump, greet, deed
an mine's a pint, nae doot.'

[note the slight editorial change - no self respecting literate Scot would pronounce the d of "and". A shocking linguistic lapse on my part. My Cambridge education has let my standards slip :)]

H. insciens said...

Claude said: "This was great fun! I hope other people jump in."

Although perhaps intended as a mere comment, I'd suggest that may be a good entry for a wee poem on the daily philosophy required for a happy life. And I've actually been "working" tonight, in between all these demented distractions, but I do believe the distractions have inspired me in my "work". (I tend to put the word in inverted commas because I am frequently told that I have a poor grasp of the definition of work)

Claude said...

Quis, quid, ubi, quibus auxilis, cur, quomodo, quando?

You'll find no answer in philosophy...

H. insciens said...

Philosophy
Loopypishh

H. insciens said...

The Philosophers' Charter:

I know nothing
neither do you
but let's pretend
that we do

Claude said...

Philosophers' Truth

Philosophers ain't modest
they cannot their big mouth rest
they throw words at random
in seclusive kingdom

notion after notion
just call for destruction
why give some attention
to thoughts without reason

H. insciens said...

We aint being very nice to philosophy or philosophers are we Claude? We need someone to come in and support them with a nice succinct summary of some of their concepts. We wait with interest. Probably too busy studying their own navels to get involved with this.

H. insciens said...

I get spam
therefore I am

Claude said...

Dear H.isciens - It's true. We're not very kind to philosophers.

The problem you might have with me is that I would also laugh at Hawking and Sagan. Big know-it-alls. They cannot explain anything scientifically to my satisfaction, but they jump in philosophy to deny my spirituality.

Dear little blue planet
we cannot explain why
we cannot tell you how
but we know He is not there
and don't mention His name.

H. insciens said...

Dear Claude, I have no problem laughing at anyone, especially not Hawking actually. Science cannot explain anything at all, if it is ultimate truth and complete explanation you are after, but it is extremely good at analysing, quantifying, modelling and predicting natural processes, often in incredibly fine detail, so that we can use them, and modify them, often to great advantage, sometimes to make a mess. However... science is sometimes called Natural Philosophy, and it could be argued that science is what philosophic enquiry lead us into. Great people philosophers, eh? Well, the old ones maybe, it's the ones who stick to all the old methods today and believe it will lead them anywhere further other than round in circles without useful progress... these are the ones that I am disdainful of.

H. insciens said...

Apart from 'I think, therefore I am',
philosophy's a scam

H. insciens said...

I'm trying to work,
but keep posting on Jams'
the world of the blogger
can distract from Grand Plans

jams o donnell said...

Insciens, Claude I love this, I think we are on the verge of a new school of thought. Let me call it the Neosyncretic school

Claude said...

Isciens - You're right about Descartes. The only reason I laughed at him (in the second comment on this post) is that we haven't succeeded with our thinking to do anything better than babble and rabble.

I hope we read soon what you're producing presently. Have a good day, friend.

Jams: Neosyncretic school? WOW! I knew I would become famous on your blog. Thanks!

Claude said...

H - I must add you are right about science. And I do appreciate the work that has been done, and the "how" of many things. It's the scientists' gibberish at "why" and "who" that I find amusing.

H. insciens said...

The Neosyncretic School?

Are the teachers neosyncretins?

[and now I am in town in the library trying to work, yet still I get pulled into here...]

H. insciens said...

So the difference between us Claude, seems to be that I find everyone's gibberish at 'why' and 'who' amusing.

Claude said...

I'm with you about people's gibberish, except for my own thinking, which I never discuss with anyone. It could be an illusion. But then what is real?

jams o donnell said...

Fame at last Claude!

I am sure the teachers would rather be called neosyncretosts.. but you are one of the teachers so the choice is yours Insciens!

H. insciens said...

"...But then what is real?"

No point asking me difficult questions like that Claude. I know nothing.

Well I am not sure about the generic title Jams, but I would like to take of the Chair of Ignorance in the Faculty of Nobody Knows. Claude can have whatever other Faculty she prefers, or all of them. She can also be in charge of the wine list at the High Table while I'll order in the takeaways. You, who started it all, must be Chancellor of Chance. But just the three of us? It's going to be a lonely old ivory tower, we need some fresh young blood to come in and set us right about those philosophical concepts. Is somebody going to step up to the plate? (Actually, most will probably have given up after scrolling not even half-way through all this comments chaos)

Claude said...

I think that Jams should open another post for the contest, and H.isciens and Claude will shut up to give a chance to other brilliant people to express their views.

I'm ordering the wine to celebrate the winners. H., we're disqualified for having invaded the comment space.

H. insciens said...

I think I agree with 'Wise Claude of Cold Canada', she of whom the legends speak but, 'til recently, I had presumed to be myth. How about it Jams? A fresh post on which we shall not speak? We rushed into the party, the first to arrive, and trashed the joint with our revelry (although it was fun). But I am just going to have a wee lie down in the cupboard now Jams, if that's OK (and even if it's not).

Claude said...

Totally agree with H. But I did print all we talked about (THIRTEEN PAGES) because the party was great fun! Now I'll be sober and quiet. Good luck to the contestants!

jams o donnell said...

I've enjoyed the back and forth imensely. I am minded to leave it be

Ole Phat Stu said...

There once was a poet called Nietzsche,
(His dad was a Lutheran preacher),
Who thought God was dead,
But died in his bed,
Saying "Morals are really a beetch, ja?"

jams o donnell said...

Bravo Stu!

Ole Phat Stu said...

Thanks, Jams, here's another ;-)

There once was a man (Schopenhauer),
As depressive as a village farmer,
He wrote about Will,
As if he were drunk,
No-one can abide him in the long term.

Nope, limericks suffer in the translation ;-)
Here's my German original :-

Es gab mal ein Mann (Schopenhauer),
So depressive wie ein Dorfbauer,
Er schrieb über Wille,
Als ob mit Promille,
Kann niemand vertragen auf Dauer ;-)

jams o donnell said...

Haha It's a shame it doesn't scan in English. It looks great in German (not that I understand German though....)

Knatolee said...

I don't think I could explain philosophy if I tried (although hubby studied it at Uni.) Now a CHICKEN poetry contest, that I could win!!

Ole Phat Stu said...

The world according to Hegel,
Is a sphere with a hole like a bagel,
A foundation for Marx,
And Lenin who harks,
To Schelling,Kant,Fichte and Hegel ;-)

H. insciens said...

Glad to hear the party is now filling up nicely out there. I am enjoying listening through the door. I'll stay in here in the cupboard for a while though, if you don't mind. I feel a bit queasy... Oh, here's a pair of welly boots I could use to save me having to tackle the stairs...

Claude said...

This is an entry from one of Knatolee's chickens.

To pound each day
a wordly egg
is much better
than some blatter.
Try it my way
just lift your leg
the egg will come
oval, well-formed
and more welcomed
than what you say,
philosopher.

H. insciens said...

Bloody hell! Claude's back! I can hear her through the door. I thought she was out for the count but she's back for more and has been outside talking to chickens and hens. She's a game old bird eh? If you're looking for me Claude you'll find me in the cupboard under the stairs. Bring some aspirin and water, my head hurts.

Claude said...

H. - It's not me speaking. It's Knatolee's chicken. Are you tied in that cupboard? I'll bring tape for your tongue.

Claude said...

H. - If you're still inspired, you can still talk from the cupboard. That's what Jams said.

H. insciens said...

Shut in a cupboard
with a crack in the door
casting shadows on the wall
and trying
to make sense of it all...
sounds familiar to me,
we'll see
what we see.

susan said...

The Philosopher's Song (Monty Python)

I enjoyed the exchange but could only think to add one of my favorites to the mix. Good evening all.

jams o donnell said...

Knatolee there is the philosophy of chickens!

jams o donnell said...

Stu Bravo. You are a true master of neosyncretism!

jams o donnell said...

Claude your poem is perfectly formed, ellipsoid with a hint of sharpness and a hint of bluntness.. just like an egg itself!

jams o donnell said...

Now H that poem encapsulates existentialist uncertainty. You have done yourself proud.

jams o donnell said...

Susan - an utter classic!

Steve Bates said...

One book, Calculus Made Easy by Silvanus P. Thompson, has facilitated teaching oneself calculus for at least a half century, and probably much longer. Indeed, I taught myself calculus from Thompson's book when I was about 12 years old. I am no mathematician... I have an ordinary engineer's grasp of mathematics and no special talent for it... but Thompson really helped. I am glad to learn that it is not only still in print but readily available for online order.

Sorry I can't help you with philosophy...

Ole Phat Stu said...

Steve, that IS a good tip!
And for Jams, here's me reciting yet another limerick, this one to help him with the calculus ;-)

http://www.youtube.com/user/esquivalience2007#p/u/6/esdcaJtxFSo

jams o donnell said...

I bought Calculus for dummies but I fear it will be above me Steve. I will give the book a go!

Stu I am impressed!

H. insciens said...

Nothing is not Something
and Something is not Nothing
And either Nothing made Something
or Something has been here
all along...
Two choices
that's all
The question is big
The answer is small
Unless we're too puny
to make any sense of it all
And me?
I don't know,
and that'll do
until I go.

jams o donnell said...

Another fine entry H. Bravo!

H. insciens said...

There's not much else to do stuck in this cupboard. Who locked the door from the outside? You or Claude? It's getting a bit messy in here.

jams o donnell said...

Claude If H produces work of this standard then throw away the key t the cupboard!

H. insciens said...

Was the key made to fit the lock,
or the lock to fit the key?
Do I make the world within my head,
or does the world make me?

jams o donnell said...

Ah H you may need a philosopher's help!

Ellee Seymour said...

I can't compete!

jams o donnell said...

Go on.. Have a go Ellee!

H. insciens said...

Ellee sounds like one of those girls who arrives at a party and says "I don't dance", but give her a few drinks and the dancing begins. Show her the booze cupboard Jams... Go on Ellee, what're you having? And if you still can't compete can you at least try to find the key to this cupboard door please? If Jams puts a password on his router I'll be reduced to pleading through the keyhole.

jams o donnell said...

You are doomed to stay in the cupboard H, DOOMED! MWUAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Knatolee said...

I doubt that I shall ever see,
a tree as pretty as a tree.
Nor shall I ever drink with thee,
because thou livest across the sea.

Though if I were a bumblebee,
I might just flit across the sea,
to partake of your photography.
I think therefore I am, you see.

And now, I contemplate my knee,
therein to find philosophy.
Or is it in a cuppa tea,
accompanied by a biscuit wee?

Alas, this poem is now too twee with no real link to philosophy!
And so, I'm off to take a pee.
Good-bye from your friend Knatolee.

H. insciens said...

That was great Knatolee. How can you say it has nothing to do with philosophy? All you need to do is point knowingly at the "hidden meaning", imply people are too dim to understand you, and you will have earned your place at the top table of the greats. I wish you hadn't mentioned going for a pee though. I've been locked in this cupboard several days now and both of the wellies are now filled up. Things are getting a bit desperate. Keep the top drawer philosophy flowing in though...(oh, I wish I hadn't said flowing)

Knatolee said...

Philosophy of chickens:

O shiny object of my delight,
I peck at you, be you edible or not.
No matter if you are my owner's tooth,
or even her eyeball; the hospital is nearby!

O delicious grub, it is for you
that I awake each day.
To tear apart your juicy flesh, swallow,
and convert you into the egg my keeper eats.

O little egg, I lay you almost daily,
hoping to delight in the joys of motherhood.
Instead, the human poaches you,
destroying...
my...
hope.

O bloody speck on my coop-mate,
I peck at you until the wound opens,
necessitating the purchase of a chicken saddle,
to stop the cannibalistic death...
of...
you.

O horny rooster,
I squat down as you mount up,
emit a cluck of submission,
then preen my feathers as you dismount.

How sad that the humans devour the fruit of our coitus!

But O joy, there are still shiny things to peck at.

H. insciens said...

Am I locked in
or are they locked out?
As soon as I think
it brings me doubt

Knatolee said...

H. insciens, I've heard you can drink your own urine in times of desperation!

H. insciens said...

Gee thanks Knatolee! You sound like a great girl to have around in a crisis.

However, I have also noticed the cracks in the floorboards, so am forming other plans.

Knatolee said...

I am impressive in an emergency.

But yes, perhaps it's time to pull up a floorboard and squeeze out of your dire (and potentially explosive) situation!

H. insciens said...

Ah, Chicken philosophy. Sounds like you are getting into your stride now.

To peck or cluck?
Who gives a f...

Ducks may paddle
but I've got a saddle

Knatolee said...

EXCELLENT!! But isn't it something like 12:29 am over in Scotland? Shouldn't you be tucked in for the night? :)

Oooh, write a poem about a philosophical night owl!

H. insciens said...

Uh oh...
I did go...
but splashed a wire
and started a fire...

Now I need Knatolee's handy hints for emergency fire fighting in enclosed spaces... Oh hang on though, the answer may still lie within me...

Panic over, fire out, sorry Jams if the lights are out too, but in my experience that will just assist in the development of the party. Ah... I think I'll settle down for the night here. Groping about in the dark I have just discovered that Jams has stored a couple of whisky bottles in here too. Sorted! Oh damn I just knocked over a full welly... Ach never mind, gravity and leaky floorboards will soon fix all that. Cheers!

H. insciens said...

00:38
is not late
for an insomniate

(If ye cannae make a rhyme
invent a word and ye'll be fine)

H. insciens said...

"Oooh, write a poem about a philosophical night owl!"

OK, here goes:

Twit t'woo
Am hootin' at you.
Is that it?
Yeah, remember am a twit.

So that's me seen your philosophical night owl and I'll raise you a poem about a chinese chicken

Knatolee said...

CHeers! This night owl is retiring for the evening. Hoot!

jams o donnell said...

Knatolee, H more works of utter genius. I may not be getting many Schopenhauer haikus but this is even better!

H. insciens said...

I confess I don't know, off the top of my head, what a haiku is, although I've got a vague idea, just not the precise definition, and it doesn't sound like my cup of tea at all. I would like to disqualify myself on the grounds of non-submission of any haikus (haiki?) because I'm really just here for the fun (and the whisky in the cupboard) not the prize. May the best haiku that actually does what Jams asked for win. All I've done is barged in and spouted a load of crap that wasn't asked for very loudly (I'm well known for that :) Now... what dark corner did I leave that whisky in? Come hither then, all ye haiku makers, and show us what you've got. I fear the noise from the drunk Scotsman locked in the cupboard may be putting others off. You could always call the constabulary... they know me well.

Knatolee said...

That Schopenhauer!
If I understood his work
I would kill myself.


There, Schopenhauer haikus on request!

Knatolee said...

But H.i, you're so damn funny!! Who needs haiku?

jams o donnell said...

Haha Knatolee, that is magnificent! Methinks you are on course for at least a copy of the poor Mouth!


H, you Claude, Knatolee, Stu and everyone else has made this a fun thread. It matters not that Hegelian haikus are not to the fore when we have wonderful works on owls and chickens among others!

jams o donnell said...

And this has by far and away the largest number of comments of any post on this blog!

H. insciens said...

Ish vey vey nishe of you to shay that... Knattylee but I feer hev takan too musch of Jamsh whishky to be funny ana more. Hic. Girlsh alwash ushed to call me funny at school...then they wud sit around (ah, avoided a "sh" there! good boy) but the wud sit arund and jusht point and laugh at me, whicsh wash not the reactshun eh wash after at alll, booo hoo. Ah, lovely whishhky, nishe dark cupboard... All I evur wanted...hic...haiku... hic... Jamsh ish ma beshtessht freend, by the way. Lockin me in wiv lovely whishky, lovely Jamsh.. goin to shleep now... Shhhhh....

H. insciens said...

Shhh... I shed Jams...Shhhhhhhhh....

jams o donnell said...

H you have done me a great favour drinking all my Highland Park and Ardbeg. I am banned from the op as you know!

I have plenty of cask strength rum and some good wines when you have finished the water of life!

Knatolee said...

Pass the Drambuie, boys!

H. insciens said...

Now that was an excellent entry Knatolee. The ultimate in philosophical wisdom and instruction in just four simple words. Give that girl a prize Jams (and a Drambuie).

jams o donnell said...

With pleasure Knatolee. Would you like a nice drop of rum too?

She is a worthy recipient Andrew of both book and drink

Gledwood said...

O at long fucking last it lets me through. How come you suddenly got 118 comments? Are people desperate to win a poetry philosophy prize.

By the way that perfect radial design someone was bashing on about, I misread to be a LOTUS flower, then I thought he meant a LOCUST, then I realized it was a LOCUS. What's that? The centre of things, a focus, or what? Pls explain!

jams o donnell said...

The prizes are serious but the contributors are having fun which is fine by me!

I will need to look back at the comment list to see the lotus locus thing

Anonymiss said...

No wonder H.I. can't sleep when his mind is full of this c*%p!

H. insciens said...

If you can offer better c*%p Anonymiss, let's see it. All mouth and no philosophy? :)

Knatolee said...

Expanding on H. insciens' sentiment...

Scotch or Drambuie,
Which would Schopenhauer drink?
Aphoristic souse!

jams o donnell said...

Tsk, tsk Anonymiss, play nice!

Bravo Knatolee this is a mssterpiece!

Anonymiss said...

"better c*%p"....hmmmmmmm.
Can C*%p be better?
Does that mean more c*%p or less c*%p?

Knatolee said...

Why thank you Jams. Everything I needed to know about philosophy, I learned from Wikipedia...

H. insciens said...

Knatolee is really getting into her stride now, although I am sure there is more to come. She will need to be pumping in further top quality stuff because Anonymiss must surely have some works of sheer dazzling brilliance to stun us with... Surely?

H. insciens said...

Anonymiss asks: "Does that mean more c*%p or less c*%p"

I can't say my dear, because I don't know what "c*%p" means. It appears to be a word of your own invention using an expanded character set from the one I am used to. However.... just sending in something as an entry would be a start.

snowflake5 said...

I think the Schopenhauer haiku a few posts above is the best - it reflects my philosophy anyway!

Jams, a belated Happy New Year to you (have only just caught up with all the blogging stuff).

jams o donnell said...

H, Anonymiss whether c*7p or no all entries are welcome!

A happy new year to you too Snowflake. Kntolee's is perhaps a winner!

Knatolee said...

I keep checking back here because the comments are so amusing! I wonder if you can get the count up to 200?!

H. insciens said...

I'm sure we can Knatolee.... you just need to send in another 68 winning haikus... or we could do it with 34 haikus from you and 34 stupid comments from me, which could be reduced to 33 stupid comments if Anonymiss could just send in the winning one....or... some of those silent lurkers out there could get a bit of poetry together...Oh! And don't forget, Claudia will be back from her break soon, doubtless having fomented many a sparkling entry while she was away.

jams o donnell said...

Ah I think with your help there will be 200 comments at least!

Anonymiss said...

You misunderstand me - the entries are marvellous, I have no intention of competing, I wouldn't know where to begin!
It's just whats in H.I.'s brain that seems to be c*%p ;-)

Anonymiss said...

...though now that I read them again, there is a touch of the Spike Milligan there, so maybe it's actually comic genius!

Ole Phat Stu said...

I think, therefore I'm Jams ;-)

H. insciens said...

Ah... now our dear old friend Anonymiss is trying to fob us off with praise. It's an entry we need to see from you Anonymiss, an entry, no matter how c*%p it may be. And by the way, on a technical issue of neurological fact, my brain is not full of c*%p, whatever that it, but my mind is full of crap. The worrying thing is, I only offer the best stuff for public view. Can you imagine what it's like to be trappend inside here (the mind, not the cupboard this time) with all the other stuff I can't allow out swilling around?

H. insciens said...

"that it", by the way, is what I tend to say when I mean "that is".

H. insciens said...

My brain is fine
My mind is crap
The mind-brain divide
is a dangerous trap
that philosophers
I have to say
fell into en masse
and seem doomed to stay.

Bebe (as whispered to H under the door) said...

I'm Bebe the cat
Old Jams is fat
He lay on the floor
and can rise no more
He points his camera
and makes it click
He thinks he's great.
I think he's thick.

Anonymiss said...

And do you also say "trappend" when you mean "trapped", or is that yet another scientific term that has passed me by?

H. insciens said...

Oh, and "trappend"
happened.

It's so dark in here I've started typing like Jams.

H. insciens said...

Blast and damn. Smarty pants Anonymiss beat me to the correction :(

I stand humbly corrected and am struggling to cope with my disgrace. Nothing to be done but to get pissed again. Next bottle... Ah, Ardbeg. Think I'll pour out a wee sip for Bebe and the other cats too and see what happens. Might loosen their tongues (or their bowels, if not their vowels...).

Knatolee said...

I wish to see no loosening of bowels in this particular forum! However I am feeling confident that we can get the comments up to 200!

I like Ole Phat Stu's simple, short yet effective verse.

jams o donnell said...

Stu, Nobody ever called me a great thinker.. a bad one perhaps!

More gems H. Bebe does indeed think I'm an imbecile.. but I do feed her!

Knatolee said...

Schopenhauer Kant,
And Knatolee, of course, Kan!
But what about Jams?

Knatolee said...

And I think Bebe deserves a prize for putting up with you!

jams o donnell said...

Hegel Hume and Marx
Knatolee can beat them all
Jams still spouts drivel

Knatolee said...

Hahaha! You are too kind to me. May you have a philosophically marvellous weekend!

H. insciens said...

So Jams enters
his own competition
ethics debate begins

especially if he wins

jams o donnell said...

You're welcome Knatolee!

H fear not I am counted out.. especially since I have all the prizes anyway!

Ted (as slurred to H. under the door) said...

Ted said
time for bed
whisky lapped
hurt my head

H. insciens said...

Big boy Boris
leads the chorus
finding whisky rather moreish

H. insciens said...

Robyn's bobbin!

H. is now
gettin lessons
in how to miaow

Cats and whisky
quite a mix
hope it doesn't
end with sicks

Four cats clustered
round this door
another bottle down
time for more...

H. insciens said...

Uh oh...
Woman...
Jams' not wife?
shouting "H
Get a bleedin' life..."

Knatolee said...

Keep 'em coming, you boys are hysterical!

Boris (as slurred to H.) said...

Ginger cats
are where it's ats
Black and whites
are mixed up twats
Stripey ones
like Bebe and Robyn...
H! help me out here hu man,
what insult rhymes with Robyn?
An geez some more Scottish jumpin' juice under the door while yer at it.
Lap, Lap, lap,
Oh yesh, shtripey cats
would make good mats.
A bleedin' love you H...
Yer my beshtesht freend in the whole wide wurld. Miaowhic...

jams o donnell said...

H Well done. You have summarised the undercurrents of feelings in Hope Cottages!

H. insciens said...

I don't understand the "Hope Cottages" references - something I should know? I'll Google it. But I am so glad Master Jams says I have done well. I am looking forward to even more people entering the party though - come on poets, plenty time yet! Don't let my boorishness put you off cos I'm locked in a cupboard. (And am also looking forward to Claude's return... it has been promised you know, that one day She Shall Return and pass judgment on us all). Oh... top shelf, just found the cask strength rum and a big tin of Victoria selection chocolate biscuits. If you're happy and you know it clap your hands... Oh if...

H. insciens said...

Ah yes, I see: "Hope Cottages Phone: (928) 774-9270. Sunshine Rescue Mission (men only)"

Book me a holiday.

jams o donnell said...

Ah sadly not. It's the name of the trio of two up two downs we live in. Still we do offer reasonable b&b rates with lots of Highland Park and Ardbeg!

Knatolee said...

Hey! I brought hubby back a bottle of HIghland Park the last time I flew through Heathrow. Someone needs to write a Highland Park haiku!

H. insciens said...

Well get hubby onto it Knatolee. Or someone else. There are 16 days left for the winners to step in. I'm too busy reading this beaten up old book I found in here, holding it up to the light from the keyhole. It's called The Great Escape. It has given me an idea.

jams o donnell said...

Praise you Highland Park
Water of Life from Orkney
warms the heart's cockles

Knatolee said...

OOoo, Jams, VERY nice!!!

jams o donnell said...

You're welcome!

Renegade Eye said...

Yes We Lacan.

Sorry

mandt said...

"A geometry implies the heterogeneity of locus, namely that there is a locus of the Other. Regarding this locus of the Other, of one sex as Other, as absolute Other, what does the most recent development in topology allow us to posit?" What this means from a positivists view is that while you may have the freedom to drop a load in the kiddie pool, you won't be able to swim there for at least 49 hours.

jams o donnell said...

A quote from Slavoj Obama Ren? Haha


Now that makes sense I think Mandt!

Knatolee said...

Mandt's comment gives me
a headache, the likes of which
'till now were unseen.

Come on, people! 30 more poems and we'll set a Poor Mouth comment record!

H. insciens said...

Homo Insciens has left the building.

Sorry about the mess Jams, and the tunnel.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Here's my effort, jams:

As Sartre said it's all absurd,
Why read, of his, a single word?

jams o donnell said...

27 Now Knat. W3 will do it!

I hope you found my cupboard reasonably comfortable H. Bloody hell; you even drank the Toilet Duck//Ah well t least the mess was disinfected!

Bravo Welshcakes and so bloody true!

CalumCarr said...

Immanuel Kant
Neither can I


AND

Kant? Who the fuck is he?
Can't? Says all about me!

jams o donnell said...

Haha Calum, good one!

Anonymiss said...

Where is everyone?

jams o donnell said...

Fear not they will be back!

Knatolee said...

To tea or not to tea,
oh, that is the question.
Perhaps I'll drink coffee.

(6-6-6...that's not haiku. Satan-ku?)

jams o donnell said...

They say the road to hell
is paved with good intent
Which makes the devil glad

My own satan ku!

Knatolee said...

Oooh, I LIKE your satan-ku!

jams o donnell said...

Beeelzebub is glad
but he knows you are good
no lake of fire for you

H. insciens said...

Haiku's are completely crap
doggerel is where it's at
Just my opinion? Yes I know,
but I'm always right, don't you know?
Maybe they're better in Japan
But I doubt it cos I asked a man:
'what makes you think haikus are fine?'
and he said its because I can't do rhyme.

H. insciens said...

And if I stuck a mal-apostrophe in
up there amongst my finest rhyme
I'd say there is a greater sin
coming soon from Jams
just give him time
He types with fists
or with a nut of the head
that often puzzles me
about what he said.

H. insciens said...

May I act as (unasked) proxy for a certain Mr Higham who put a nice piece of concise philosophy on a post on Welshcake's blog about this comprtition (such is its fame)? I'd like to see a co-opted entry win a prize. He offered this philosophy for bloggers:

"I link therefore I am"

Whether he made it up himself or not, I don't know.

H. insciens said...

Yes, I know "comprtition". It was satirical parody (I will claim).

Knatolee said...

Although I am very impressed by H. insciens' latest bout of doggerel, I have to say that Jams' Satan-ku is supremely inspirational. "Lake of fire" indeed!

Jeremy Hartley said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jams o donnell said...

Pah H haikus rock but satan-kus are beter. Still doggerel has its place even if it takes the piss out of my typos

Glad you like my satan-kus Knatolee!

jams o donnell said...

For the last time Crushed by Ingsoc, FUCK OFF and stay off this blog.

Anonymiss said...

Well said Jams!

Anonymous said...

At present the nutter's link remains live but you can get rid of it completely by selecting the "permanently delete comment" option. I get such things from time to time. If anyone persists you'd need to insert the moderate all comments option, but usually they desist if you permanently delete them every time. You can delete this too, it was just for info (although I see from his blog that Calum may need it too)

Anonymous said...

Oh... I think you beat me to it. Please delete these offerings (unless they may help anyone else)

Anonymous said...

Me again, sorry, but though no longer live in the comment box they remain live when the full post is opened. I know you can easy delete them entirely. It takes one click to delete, then another delete to get the permanently delete option, I think

jams o donnell said...

To be honest Anonymiss, I want no part of this thing between Crushed and James/Ubermouth

For me Crushed and Ubermouth are shit and shite. I want no part of this thing

jams o donnell said...

Thanks for the advice anonymous

CalumCarr said...

Anonymous says, 'Take the troll out".
Not into violence, have no doubt.
I'll wipe his comment off my blog
Comes back again? I don't know what I'll do because I'm so indecisive that I need to think this and think that, balance this and balance that, think again in case there's a flaw, balance everything once more before prevaricating for a few days or weeks and then whatever was going to happen will have happened any way so what's the point of doing anything.

If only I could have finished that 4th line concisely I might have had a philosophical poem.

Pity that. It was going so well.

H. insciens said...

But it was a good poem Calum, if I may take the outrageous liberty to edit and lay it out thus:

The Uncertainty Principle

I don't know what I'll do
because I'm so indecisive
that I need to think this
and think that
balance this
and balance that
think again
in case there is a flaw
balance everything once more
before prevaricating
for a few days
or weeks
and then
whatever was going to happen
will have happened anyway
so what's the point
of doing anything?
Except...
if I had done something
everything might have been different.
Or would it?
I don't know.
I'm uncertain.

McClaudeigall ;-) said...

Where is Claude?
When will she return?
While she's been away
she's missed a bit of fun.
We wake, we look, but no.
Why did she have to go?
She promised she'll be back,
so faith we must not lack,
that she'll come and view the scene
and tell us where she's been.

Knatolee said...

I go away for a day and come back to a comment soap opera! :) But on a brighter note, this should be the 200th comment, unless Jams permanently deletes those removed comments...

Knatolee said...

ANd H. i. and McCLaudeigall, your latest works are masterpieces!

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