20 February 2010

Okay so it’s an urban legend but still funny

According to the urban legend English teachers from across USA submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These are then published each year to the amusement of teachers.

Here are some of the purported winners from last year

  • Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  • She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
  • Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  • McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
  • From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
  • The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  • Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  • He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
  • Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
  • The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  • The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  • The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  • It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
Even if they aren’t from where they are said to come from, they are still very amusing!

9 comments:

Sean Jeating said...

Ha ha ha. Non vitae sed scholae discimus; or vice versa. :)

jams o donnell said...

Ah you have me on the latin Sean but glad you liked them!

Sean Jeating said...

Sorry, Jams.
Not for life but for the school we do learn. Or vice versa. :)

When studying biology you don't need to have at least the so-called 'little Latinum' in Great Britain?

jams o donnell said...

Ah I studied Latin at school. I even got an O Level in it but that was long ago and I have forgotten it all!

Sean Jeating said...

Almost same with me, Jams. Our Latin teacher(s) did however tell us such often we were not learning for them / for the school that it's obviously impossible to forget this one. :)

Oh!
Ha ha, word verification asks me to write 'biolosiv'.

nursemyra said...

Poor Simple Phil

magiceye said...

brilliant collection! thanks for sharing

Claudia said...

It's amusing but also depressing!

jams o donnell said...

Glad you liked them. Ah Claudia I am not sure they are depressing!