A colleague passed this on to me at work yesterday (the naughty boy). It purports to be a list of snappy answers to stupid questions posted on an unnamed Australian tourist website although other versions in circulation purport to be from Canadian and South African websites. I knew it was made up when I saw it but it didn’t stop me from laughing
Q. Will I be able to see Kangaroos in the street (US)
A. Depends on how much beer you have been drinking
Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A. Sure, it's only 3,000 miles, take lots of water...
Q. Can you give me some information about Hippo racing in Australia?
A.A-fr-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not. Oh forget it. Sure Hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q. Which direction is North in Australia?
A. Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?(US)
A. Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia?(UK)
A. You are a British politician, right?
Q. Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattle-snake serum.(US)
A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q.I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear the lives in trees (US)
A. It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and at the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out.
Q.I was in Australia in 1969 on R& R and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help me?(US)
A. Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.