01 December 2006

Ten Things I would Never Do

I have been tagged by Tygerland to complete the Ten things I would never do meme. Here goes:

1. Declare myself President for life. Why be president when you can be EMPEROR

2. Flick a Lion’s love spuds with a wet towel (this also applies to all other members of genus Pantera)

3. Run naked past the Houses of Parliament. I would not wish to make tourists and politicos part company with their breakfasts

4. Make my fortune as a Petomane

5. Dress in drag again. No amount of slap hides the fact that I am a fat hairy bloke in a dress

6. Score a goal for West Ham or represent my country at the Olympics – unless full contact mulching ever becomes a competitive sport

7. Take a leak through the railings of Buckingham Palace… again

8. Drive a Chelsea Tractor - Romford is not known for its rugged terrain

9. Regret meeting a quiet 17 year old with beautiful hair back in December 1981

10 Oh and, finally, vote Tory, BNP, Third Way, UKIP or Respect

Who to tag next? Decisions, decision. I will come back on that.


Matt M said...

Please tell me you took a leak through the railings of Buckingham Palace while in drag.

jams o donnell said...

Just once or twice, Mullet.. what man hasn't!!

I wish I coulkd Matt, but it was the usual jeans, DMs and biker jacket.. It was 1981, new year's eve and I was much the worse for wear. No idea why we went that away byt an old mate and me needed to relieve ourselves and what better place, we thought!

Steve Bates said...

11. Reveal the age of your not-wife to anyone who can do arithmetic. Oops! :)

Glad to hear you're not planning on voting Tory, jams. If you did that, I'd have to find a doctor to certify you for admission to the nearest mental hospital!

To mix UK and American slang... at Buckingham Palace, are you saying you were pissed when you pissed?

jams o donnell said...

I never could vote Tory.. the not wife would have my balls for ear rings, Steve.

as for the piss reference it was the action of relieving myself rather than expressing irritation!

It was the not-wife, Mullet. She is 42 but nobody ever guesses that she is as old as that. People normally think she is about 10 years younger.. lucky her.. me I look 83 rather than 43!!

Steve Bates said...

Stella is like that. She's only three years younger than I am, but she looks about 35. You've seen pictures of her with her cats on my site; you know she looks a LOT younger than me. Everyone assumes I'm cradle-robbing; in response, I just smile. Asked how she keeps her youthful looks, Stella always says that it's those young male virgins she sacrifices.

Steve Bates said...

Oh, for the record... that picture of me next to comments? That was taken possibly 20 years ago, while I was tuning a harpsichord before a gig at Houston's Museum of Fine Arts. No more dark hair and beard for me... I'm 58 now, and it's mostly gray. Sigh! My bones feel it, but my mind and heart are still downright adolescent at times, and my capacity for silliness is undiminished.

jams o donnell said...

Oh the not wife would love to be asked for id, but that isn't going to happen now. Here's hoping many happy years of your still being asked!

YOun male virgins you say? Stella and the not wife must both have read Beauty through Gore: Twelve habits of the fabulous looking ghoul! She's a fine looking woman Steve. Although teh not wife is les than 18 months younger than me, she certainly looks younger than that so I get a feeling of having a trohy not wife!

I don't use a photo of myself basically because I like my avatar too much. I did put a pic of myself for my 200th post.. I had to manipulate it a bit to make the photo remotely presentable!

Ah mullet you cradle snatcher you!!!

Agnes said...

a male younger than me, and one has a Kindergarten already. Younger males should be banned.

Jens Winton said...

I see where you rank UKIP alongside the BNP, Respect, the Tories etc.

Fair enough. But consider this: We aim to return full democracy to this country so that British laws are passed by British politicians in a British Parliament. How many of the main parties advocate this? Once upon a time, Mr. Blair openly expressed disgust of the EU when it was the EEC. This was before the loss of clause 4. Haven't times changed?

Just something to think about...

jams o donnell said...

but where would the older ones come from if they dont grow from tadpoles, Red??

Not really, times and attitudes change and happily the Kabour party is pro EU. I am not interested in the UKIP agenda.

jams o donnell said...

Make it a Romanian one, that would pss UKIP off!

Jens Winton said...

Now isn't this interesting? The level of abusive argument here is revealing. UKIP will not be all things to all people, and certainly not please those who have no wish for real power to be returned to Westminster, preferring instead the warm glow of communal leadership by unelected Commissioners from other lands. I would rather have as much direct control over my future as possible.

And what vision for the future will be provided for the UK from talk of anal entry? Very curious...

jams o donnell said...

As it happens Jens I have deep reservations about many aspects of EU policy but who doesn'? As afar as I am concerned we are far better off inside as a member of the EU than we would be if we were to leave tomorrow. Reform but not departure.

Oh and don't mistake playfulness for abuse!!

Jens Winton said...

Well, context can be stripped away when posting but I am not taking offence!

It seems tantalizing to think we can reform the EU from within but it has been tried already without success: Instead of responding to the no votes on the Constitution from France and Holland with less beaucracy, the opposite has happened. Even more directives have been issued to impose the EU will on members. And with another treaty to come, we will see a stronger presence from Europol including greater use of the European Arrest Warrant where someone in England committing a crime recognised only in Spain, can be deported to stand trial in Madrid without bail. How on earth can we be better off in that type of regime? What happened to the trading body we were told we signed up to over 30 years ago?

jams o donnell said...

Change is necessary or it will fall apart. There are a lot of vested intersts that need to be cleared away, including the CAP in its current form or the idiotic waste of moving the parliament between Brussels and Strasbourg.

Political union may well be desirablein the long term but there is not point rushing it.. Hell it took germany decades to go from Zollverein to union.

As for some anomalies in the European arrest warrant, it does cut both ways.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Why be Emperor when you can be an exalted, "Grand Poobah?" As for me, I'd settle for a simple, "Big Cheese" title......I'm already a cracker.

Steve Bates said...

As I've said before, jams, I'm learning a lot about UK politics by reading your site, and those of your regular commenters. For example, I'm sorry to report, Jens, that I had never heard of the UKIP before today. Not that that matters much to you; I'm not a British subject, and hence not a potential vote, for Labour or UKIP or anyone else in Britain.

What astonishes me and pleases me is seeing actual political dialogue, however adversarial, on a blog comment thread. In my four years of blogging, I've seen exactly two Republicans commenting on my emphatically Democratic blog (not counting trolls interested only in flinging poo like monkeys) who were willing to engage me in discussion of issues. Actual heated debate over substantive issues... now there's a concept I could learn to like, if it happened more often on this side of the Atlantic.


As for me, I'd settle for a simple, "Big Cheese" title......I'm already a cracker. - EWBL

EWBL, be careful how you're spread!

jams o donnell said...

Cracker? being rough around the edges I would ahve to be the celestial oatcake!

My blog is not set up as a debate forum, butunlike some other bloggers I won't stifle it. Very few comments will be deleted (I don't think I have actually deleted one yet).

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Steve's right. I hereby forfeit the title of Big Cheese and instead have crowned myself with what my Mom always said I acted like as a child. You may now call me "Queen Shit Of Turd Hill."

Don't even ask what my crown is made out of. Ok?

jams o donnell said...

does the Royal dress include DUNGarees?? It's not just the crowd, ewbl, but also the Orb and Sceptre!!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

You should have seen the feast at my crowning ceremony, jams. They weren't chocolate buttons, if you catch my drift!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

You know how Marie Antoinette supposedly said, "Let Them Eat Cake?" Well, I say "Let Them Eat Shite!"

I couldn't stop laughing one day when my Colombian stepmom offered Papi a homemade chorizo. Papi hates sausage with a passion but especially greasy South American chorizo. He politely declined and my stepmom felt offended and told him to "Eat Shit Then." Papi doesn't usually cuss, and he's semi-refined, and this shocked him so bad that his mouth just dropped open and hung there. Good times, jams, the stuff family memories are made of!

jams o donnell said...

An I missed your coronation, Damn! Hmm Papi would find the not-wife and myself appalling given the amount of swearing we do. My rate has increased considerably with my ribs the way they are!

It must have been worth seeing your step muum say that to Papi though!