24 December 2009

Father Christmas is dead

I know this is the season of good will and that children everywhere will be awaiting the arrival tonight of Father Christmas on a sleigh pulled by Rudolf, Prancer, Dancer, Donner, Blitzen, Schwerpunkt, Zeitgeist and Schadenfreude.

However there is unequivocal evidence that whoever travels around tonight delivering presents is an impostor. There is proof in the records of an Essex parish church that Father Christmas in fact died in 1564.

An entry in the parish record of Dedham Parish Church in Essex shows that Father Christmas was laid to rest in a churchyard in the village of Dedham, Essex, on May 30 1564.

The record: "The 30[th] Day, Father Christmas was buried." Any headstone marking his grave disappeared many years ago.

Richard Harris, the chief archivist at the Essex records office in Chelmsford, explained "Christmas was not an uncommon surname in these parts around that time," he said. "In the 16th century old people were often called Old Mother this or Old Father that and this chap obviously took that nickname to his grave."

Hmm I think that the current Father Christmas is some alien replicant and should be destroyed. I would ask any right thinking citizen to aim a MANPAD to the sky tonight... and I don't mean an incontinence pad!


Ardent said...

Providing that I receive a gift, I am not too fussed if Santa is an imposter. :)

Wishing you and the not wife a lovely and happy festive season!

jams o donnell said...

AH that's the spirit! Happy Christmas Ardent!

Steve Hayes said...

Fifty years ago a friend of mine went to a service at St Mary's Cathedral in Johannesburg, where an Ian John Christmas was baptised. My friend remarked that if he became a priest, he would be known as Father Christmas -- I wonder if he did.

jams o donnell said...

Haha Steve, perhaps he was fated to become one!

Eve said...

Exactly how it is man... PROFIT over getting into the spirit.